Well, I guess this is...
17 March 2021 • 2021, growing up, grown up
I don't want to be a grown-up.
That's my overwhelming feeling right now. I'm looking up from my kitchen table, where I've been working 40 hours a week for the past couple of months, and blinking in the sunlight as it pours in through the windows; suddenly everything is illuminated and I realise, I'm growing up. I have a job - several jobs, within one company, actually. I'm going to be earning more than I ever have before, consistently, very soon. I'm squirreling money away in several savings accounts with varying rates of interest, in the hope that it will be put towards a flat of my own someday (or, slightly more likely, a trip to the other side of the world) - but in the meantime, I'm happily paying rent and bills, etc. A highlight of my week is doing The Big Shop - preferably at 7:30am, before I start work, because it's so peaceful in the supermarket, and then by the time I sit down at the computer I'm feeling like I've achieved something in the day already. My flat is full of plant babies. I go to the laundrette regularly. I'm obsessed with making porridge. I have a 5-step skincare routine, for morning and nighttime. I listen to Radio 2 on my smart speaker, while I work. I go through phases of writing meal plans. I've installed Grammarly on my laptop. I drink Kombucha every evening, before dinner. I take supplements with breakfast. I came off the pill last year.
How did all this happen?
Photo by Caitlin Lock.
I try to remind myself that, in a lot of ways, I'm not a grown-up. Just looking at what I wear these days is proof of that. Also, I spend way too much money on plants, vegan chocolate, crystals, LUSH products, books, and the silliest home accessories from IKEA. I ask my parents to wash the clothes I'm too scared to put in the laundrette's machines. I am still guilty of a little social media stalking, now and again. I'm scared to walk outside after dark - oh no wait, that's not because I'm un-adult, it's because I'm a woman. My mistake. Hmmph. Anyway...
I think my grown-upness is blending a little with my inner child, though. My jobs are all fun, creative and make me feel like a superhero. I'm following people on social media who inspire me, and I try my very best to help others with their struggles too. My perfectly functional IKEA unit is packed with books arranged in colour order. A painted cast of my boobies hangs above my living room doorway. I got an IUD implanted so my sex life would be better, and I'd have less anxiety about those slippery buggers.
I'm working on creative projects, and putting money into them, not just dreams and attempted manifestations. This blog is one of them - it's going to be a fully-fledged website someday soon; not just a creaky old Blogspot platform masked by a beautiful and very reasonably priced template, and a URL bought from whatever hosting monster can offer it semi-cheaply.
A teenager started this blog, many years ago. Her biggest problems were that she fancied a boy in her Drama class, ate far too many After Eights, and was struggling to pass her theory test. She just wanted a space to vent, and release all her pent-up angst and romance. I do wonder what she'd think if she could see it now - where it's got her, how many people have found it and continue to check in and read regularly, and just how much she's shared about her life on it. I don't think anyone could have ever predicted it. My little corner of the internet. My safe space. It's always been there for me. And it will be for many years to come. I don't have to be a grown-up on here.
Small But Big; Lemon Drops Design.
7 March 2021 • jewellery, lemon drops design, small businesses, small but big
Hey again, my fellow small bizz lovers. I recently emailed the gorgeous Nikki Rogers from Lemon Drops Design, a handmade jewellery brand from my neck of the woods, with some Qs about her business and how it came to be! So grab a brew, check out her website, treat yourself to some of her uniquely bright and cheerful goodies, then read about the woman behind the designs...
Hey, lovely lemony Nikki. So great to have you on here, thank you for taking the time to answer my questions! Tell us about what you do!
(yes, I absolutely did buy these earrings for myself)
My happy places.
3 March 2021 • happy, happy place, lockdown, mental health, musings
The concept of 'happy place' is so overused, but so accurate at the same time. There are a lot of places I enjoy being in, but only a select few in which I feel completely and truly peaceful, content, and safe. They're the ones I crave, especially recently when my little flat has become the only space I actually spend proper time in.
Well, I can't visit any of these places for at least two months (if this 'roadmap' thing goes ahead smoothly - ha!), so let me just throw them out here, please? Thanks. And be sure to comment/tweet/DM/whatever with yours. I want to know.
We can start with the earlier memories that formed happy places. The big grassy area out the front of my college. Especially in Spring/Summer time, when everyone would spill out of the higgledy piggledy old buildings and onto the lawn, in the sunshine, gathering in groups and ripping into their lunches from the vending machines in the canteen. I remember lolloping lazily with friends in the heatwave, gossiping, playing catch and swapping notes between lessons.
I guess if we're going to mention college here - the black box theatre I had all my A Level Drama classes in would have to be added to the list. I grew a lot in there, and after a rocky start I found it was a space I could properly let go in.
Winchester cathedral grounds (and the little stone bench I almost always sit on, with a coffee, to stare up at the old building I graduated in). Also the pub by the river, the Oxfam bookshop, and the top of the high street (does this count, though? I'd never sit and 'hang out' in that place... maybe it's just a 'happy passing spot'). Obviously, the university campus would have to be on the list too; particularly the student union cafe, the library and my halls. I mean, the actual buildings where the seminars and lectures took place wouldn't go amiss, but I'm trying really hard to keep it to just a few, okay? Cool.
(Let's go a bit faster, now. Because not every happy place needs its own explanation, and/or context.)
Stargazy! My lovely, ridiculous friend's shop, in Hastings Old Town. It's reminiscent of a gypsy caravan, packed to the brim with crystals, scarves, and the most beautiful handmade silver jewellery. I have genuinely, deeply missed visiting and working in there, since the first lockdown.
The bench at the top of the steps up the East Hill. I've started going up there again recently, after being put off for years because of too much time spent there as a horny teen, but you just can't beat the view and the peace and quiet of it. It's extra lovely when you go with a friend who brings a flask of tea and mugs, FYI.
The West Hill, too. But only on the May Day weekend. The rest of the year, I could take or leave it, really.
My friend's cafe, at my favourite table against the exposed brick wall, drinking the strongest long black (the finest Brighton coffee, obviously) and eating a chai fudge brownie, looking through the window onto the lovely quiet street with the church and the tattoo studio and the ancient barbershop.
The place down the road from me with the rickety window shutters and chicly mismatched furniture that proudly exhibits itself as a tequila bar, but also offering a wide selection of whisky and the boujiest booziest cocktails.
The Brighton Lanes. Ugh. I hate how much I miss them, because it almost confirms that I am a hipster/indie kid wannabe, but I promise I only go there for the coffee and cake.
The office I work from once a week, with the table I always manage to knock off balance, and the quiet therapy room where the most chilled meetings take place, and exciting audio recording happens.
Our staff room in Tunbridge Wells, with the magnificent second-hand sofa that's perfect for lunchtime naps.
My favourite patch of St Leonards beach, where I sat for 10 hours with some of my favourite humans (and nearly £200 worth of burgers and chips), on my 27th birthday.
Shakespeare and Sons, Berlin. Yet another cafe, but hear me out - there are bagels and books, too. It's just got the happiest feel about it.
Nana's porch, in her little village - with added Vegemite on toast to complete the vibe.
My special spot in the park that's just up a little passageway at the end of my street - I started going there when I was let off shielding last spring, taking a blanket, a lunch box and a book with me. I'd often end up ignoring the book and just listening to my favourite podcasts while eating my sarnies.
The biggest bookshop in Europe, in Piccadilly. Browsing each floor, one by one, for a good while before scurrying upstairs to the bar and indulging in their happy hour - when the prices are almost reasonable. (Optional but inevitable drunk book shopping to follow)
Thursday Plantation, Ballina, New South Wales. The smell of the air there is like nothing else. Tea tree and eucalyptus, mixed with the essence of the woody forest, in the balmy heat, ooooft. I could get high off that sweet combo. It's also so peaceful there; walking through the forest or just sitting on the deck behind the shop, drinking a mint tea. Mmm.
Bottle Alley - pronounced 'bot'lally'. I'm not sure why, but I've always loved walking through there to town, and back - and at night, it's quite magical.
So many beaches on the East Coast of Australia, I cannot possibly name them all. I plan on revisiting them in 2022, one way or another.
My roof. Of course. A proper sanctuary, and my saviour last year when I couldn't leave my building for so long. I'll miss a lot of things when I leave this flat in the summer; the pristine tiles in the kitchen, the rain-style shower head, the old fireplace, its proximity to the train station, the beach, the shops and the park - but I know I'll miss that old rooftop the most.
I know I've probably forgotten so many here, but these are the ones that immediately fill my mind and calm me down when I think of the simple term 'happy place'. The ones I will look up on Google Maps while on my lunch break, and shamelessly travel through them in street mode. It's great to have these tucked away inside my mind, but then I also realise that one of the most important things to learn in life is how to make any space a happy place. And on that pensive, borderline wanky, note; I'll end this post.
PS, I'm very aware how big a part food and drink play in this list. Not sorry.
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