Small But Big; Sh! Womens Erotic Emporium.

2 December 2019 • ,

I was delighted to visit Sh! Womens Erotic Emporium in London recently, for an incredibly intimate gathering with other women who have experienced some form of cancer (plus my gorgeous pal Hannah, who came to support me). Together, we discussed how our diagnoses, operations and treatment have affected our mental health and sex lives.

** Quick shout-out to some brilliant women at Macmillan who organised it all, and made such a great start in talking about sex with cancer patients. It is something that’s really needed in the Cancer Community! **

I was so chuffed to have the chance to chat with the brilliant Renee Denyer, Senior Store Manager at Sh!, and I'm very excited to launch this new series I'm starting, 'Small But Big', in which I highlight small businesses and why they're worth shopping with, rather than going for the same old (and often problematic) chain brands - and I feel like Renee might be the best first guest I could have asked for. 


Image sent to me from Sh!


Hey, darl. Thank you so much for chatting (virtually) with me. I have so many questions, but I’ll try to keep it succinct…

Can you give the readers a quick herstory of Sh!? And what inspired its divine conception?

Ky Hoyle, the Founder & MD, went on a shopping trip in Soho with some friends in early 1992, intending to find some fun playthings. What Ky experienced was alienating, intimidating and sleazy; dark sex shops owned by porn barons, run by male staff and catering to male sexuality only (or at least their view on it!).

Amidst the DVDs and scratchy panties were the toys, phallic and graphically ‘realistic’, locked away in grubby glass cabinets.

Male customers followed her around, standing too close for comfort - clearly a female looking at sex toys was open game, as the only other women around were of the blow-up variety… Even the chain that appeared more 'female-friendly' felt more about making women sexually attractive to men than about exploring their own pleasure. 

She stomped off home, toyless but inspired to make a change...  

Ky set about creating a place where the individuality and complexity of sexuality was celebrated and Sh! opened its doors in April 1992. The name was a playful comment on society's silencing of women's sexuality – with the exclamation mark sticking its tongue out to all that!

Sh! was the UK's first sex shop for women, and it was also the UK’s first-ever boutique-style erotic shop; A place where women could explore and discover their own, true sexual selves rather than having it dictated to them.

A well-lit, welcoming and relaxed environment, staffed by an approachable all-female staff, highly trained to give personalised advice and to make matching the right toy to the customer their goal. Interaction and questions were encouraged and cups of tea offered.

Demonstration toys were laid out on tables, all with batteries, so customers could handle the vibrators in order to feel intensity and listen to volume before making their decision. (In those days, this was unheard of!)

Before a customer left the shop with her new purchase, the staff religiously battery-tested each vibe to ensure it worked. This made Sh! the first shop to offer guarantees on all electrical toys, and to return faulty vibes to suppliers (much to their horror!). At the time, it was assumed that customers would be too embarrassed to bring back a faulty toy to a sex shop.

Sh! was born out of passion, rather than business acumen. Ky is often asked if she saw a gap in the market but she’ll truthfully say 'no’. She believed then, as she still does today, that women should have a place where the discovery and celebration of our pleasure is paramount! 
Image sent to me from Sh!


What kind of events do you host in the shop? Which ones do you feel are the most popular – and what is the most unusual one you have ever held?

We host a number of events and classes; book launches and readings, sex education (for adults); life drawings; we facilitate CafĂ© V in collaboration with My Body Back Project; we offer events for menopause support groups; we’re currently working on a range of sex-positive workshops in collaboration with the amazing peeps at Macmillan Cancer Care; we offer free classes to women’s HIV+ support groups… If it’s sex-positive, body-positive, and empowering – count us in! 

The most popular classes are our Blow His Mind (fellatio) and Orgasmic!, a women’s empowerment guide to anatomy, arousal and orgasm.

Image sent to me from Sh!


Please tell us a bit about the special work room in the back of the shop? My friend and I were lucky enough to get a little tour of it, a while back…!

Ah yes – this is my favourite part of the shop! We have a Silicone Lab, where we hand make silicone dildos and butt plugs. We also have a leather workshop, where strap-on harnesses are hand made, as well as our own range of bondage accoutrements like blindfolds, wrist cuffs and spanking paddles. It’s a joy watching our fantastic manufacturing team at work! 


Image sent to me from Sh!

Image sent to me from Sh!


If you could tell not just women, but any and all humans one thing about sex and sexuality – what would it be?

It is YOUR body and it’s your birthright to enjoy the pleasure it gives you.

Also: Always add a drizzle of lube. #ProTip




How epic are these queens, my readers? I highly recommend you pop into their cave of sexy magic next time you're in London. Also, they're currently crowdfunding with the aim to expand their amazing business and hopefully build a cafe/events space, launch an app and SO MUCH MORE! If you want to support them and their very important mission into empowering womxn and opening up the world of pleasure for all parties, please give them a few pennies. Whatever you can spare will be appreciated. Also, check out their events and maybe get a workshop or panel discussion in your diary to learn more about the company, the world of kink, or perhaps to spice up your sex life a little.

Thanks so much for chatting with me, Renee. Love to all the team, and I think I speak for everyone when I say please never stop doing what you’re doing. x

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Where have you been?

18 November 2019 •

For the past few months, I’ve been struggling with a serious creative lethargy. I wouldn’t call it Writer’s Block, as such; it’s more like Writer’s Disenchantment and Disassociation. But that's not quite as catchy, so... 

 I’ve found it hard to devote time and energy to blogging, and my bigger writing projects have been put on pause too. I keep saying it’s because I’ve been so busy with my two jobs and various social commitments, which is true in part, but really it’s a lack of drive and inspiration. I have flashes of wanting more than anything to create things, which are often brought about by going on long walks, watching films or doing my regular sweeps of the local charity shops on my way to work, for some reason – but the rest of the time I simply feel too drained to conjure anything up. I’m also full of guilt for not setting aside even half an hour each day to do something, anything, creative just for myself. I used to devote entire days to the blog, and have about a dozen Word documents saved in little icons on my desktop. These days, I just stare miserably at my drafts on Blogger, and abandon hope worryingly quickly. 


Photo: Erin Veness


I’ve talked to a few friends recently about my increase in screen time each day, and an addiction to social media forming. I think this is mostly down to my need to do something creative and connect with people, but always being ‘on the go’ means I can only manage a quick scroll, a flurry of commenting and perhaps a post with a chatty caption, a few times a day. That rubbish little routine pretty much became a substitute for blogging, and it didn’t fulfil me as much as writing my feelings out in my happy space does. So, after realising this, I decided to allocate more time for writing. I’ve started scribbling WRITE on my days off in my diary, with a blank box beside it that gapes at me, yearning for a tick. I used to be more specific with my diary notes; I’d write titles of blog posts I wanted to write, or had already written and wanted to organise their allocated publication dates… it was A Bit Much, in the end. I started to get stressed about writing, posting and scheduling, and before I knew it, I was in a dead zone and nothing was being written, let alone posted or scheduled. Arghh. I think the trick is not putting pressure on myself; simply telling myself to write something on any given day is enough. I mean, nobody’s going to come after me for not publishing that particular post on that particular day, are they? 

 My mental health ain’t great these days, my gang. 
Well, it can be weirdly amazing for a few days, I’ll feel like I’m really turning the corner, but then the following week it’s absolute balls. I don’t really know what’s going on. I’ve had blood tests to check my hormones – but joke’s on me there, my pill suppresses/replaces them so much there’s not a whole lot to check. I asked about returning to counselling, but they can’t put me on a waiting list until the new year. I chatted with my GP, who properly listened and told me he trusts me to keep an eye on things and will help in any way he can if things get any worse. There’s not a whole lot more I can do, really. I actually wonder if regularly writing my feelings out on here, like I used to when I was 17, is what’s missing in my life and brain right now. Y’know? Please do comment or tweet me or DM or whatever with any life hacks and tips for pulling myself out of depression spirals – but please, no mindfulness or meditation. I’m shit at that stuff. 


Photo: Erin Veness


Okay, here's something nice that happened recently: I hosted a lil party at work with a small group of women from the WI. They were so kind, warm and receptive to what I had to teach them. I am usually dealing with kids at work, so it made a nice change to be chatting with more mature people who wanted to learn new things. The woman who booked the party emailed the boss afterwards, and gave me some lovely feedback. These days with my turbulent mental state, I don’t feel as much – it can be a lot of numbness. Tall, fuzzy walls. Now and again, though, the nice things sneak through. And validation at work always seems to do the trick. Probably because I love what I do, and take immense pride in it. 

 Now, for a few weird random things that have happened: last night, I dreamt my favourite cactus was yanked out of his pot, with only his little baby growth left, and I was told he’d dried out and died. I feel like this happened in my dream because I have been so chuffed about how much this guy, my first ever cactus, has grown recently. He’s spawned a bulbous baby, as I mentioned, has flowered several times and grown a coat of fluff as he’s gradually grown taller and taller; I recently had to scoop him out of the large Starbucks cup he’s been in for the past 2 years, and re-pot him and his sprog. It was a proud moment. So obviously my destructive subconscious had to terrorise me with the vision of him dead. Hmm. Rude. 

 Anyway, please do admire Ken (formerly Kenickie, but I feel he’s matured into a Ken) below, and also let me introduce his succulent wife, Lizzo (formerly Rizzo, for obvious reasons, but after seeing the juicy queen herself live in London last week, I had to pay tribute to her somehow). 



Another random thing: I’ve been asked to be a guest on a live podcast recording for The Loneliness Collaboration in London next week. I’ll be chatting with some lovely other folx about being creative, being freelance, and being lonely. Get tickets and come along, if you can, please. 

 What else? Well, as this decade is rapidly coming to a close (what?) and the twenty-twenties (or Roaring Twenties 2.0?) are about to commence, I’ve been reflecting on my life and what’s been happening in it these past few years. I’ll obviously write a whole post about it soon, if all goes to plan, but right now the things that are immediately springing to mind are: I’ve made big life changes, but still have a way to go. I’ve lost a few friends, but been better for it. I am looking for open doors, and finding them in the most unlikely places. I have fallen in love with a pair of hands, and the body, mind and soul they’re attached to. I am enjoying what I do for work, which still feels strange. My brain is fine. Not perfect, but it’ll do. My bowels are okay. Not great, but at least they’re working. And as I said earlier, my mental health has seen better days, but I’m on the case. 


Photo: Erin Veness


Right, how are we feeling about this kind of post making a comeback? Does the chatty vibe work for you? Let me know. It felt good to write – but then I also kept worrying it wouldn’t read very well, it wouldn’t grab readers’ interest, what’s even the point!? Deary me. My mind knackers me out.


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Recent Reads; ashes, mountains, fandom, femininity and the evils of social media.

5 November 2019 • , , , , , , ,

Oh hey, my bookish friends. It’s been a while. I promise I have been reading this year… I just haven’t been writing about it as much, for some reason. Let’s fix that now, eh? 

Here are a few of my reads from earlier in 2019…




Heartstream, by Tom Pollock.

It’s no secret how much I love and loathe Tom and his brilliantly, terrifyingly, whip smart and wicked writing. The first novel of his I read, ‘White Rabbit, Red Wolf’, was hands down my best read of 2018.

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44.

22 October 2019 • ,

Hi, I’m Grace.
The Berlin Botanical Garden. Such cacti. In my element.

I am addicted to Words With Friends, I'm a sucker for 90s fashion, I'm suddenly playing podcasts all the time instead of music, my GP is super sassy, I got a beautiful new bike recently (for free, from my friend at my local train station), I am short sighted, I don’t much care for Halloween but am excited to go to a costume party, I have so many photos from my last trip abroad but no idea what to do with them, Greg James told me I had a lovely voice and should start a podcast, I'm off to Amsterdam in 2020 and am open to any/all recs (!?), I really think my yoga teacher is lovelier than yours, I'm having a mental clear out, and archiving some of my old blog posts reminded me of who I used to be, and how far I've come. 

I also booked myself in for an MRI recently – on a date and at a time that suits me. I actually made my illness fit within my life, not the other way around. It only took me 5 years. 
 
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Things I forgot to say when I guested on F**ks Given!

17 October 2019 • , , , ,

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS V V SEXY. Parents, other family members, family friends, basically anyone who thinks of me as a sexless and wholesome being, please do not read any further. Ta. 


Okay so, I was utterly thrilled to be a guest on one of my favourite podcasts recently; F**ks Given, hosted by the formidable Florence and Reed, aka Come Curious, a show that invites guests to chat about ‘all things sexy’ and smash the taboo that still surrounds sexuality, kinks and 'body counts'.

I have listened to this podcast since it began, and it wasn’t long before I started dreaming up my own responses to the questions Florence and Reed ask their guests. So when we started following each other (as in, me and @comecurious; the two hosts are @reedamberx and @florencebark respectively) on social media, I thought ‘OOOHHH, I’m in!’, and I probably would have been asked if I’d just waited patiently but noooo, Drunk Me decided one evening that patience was for suckers and dived right in with a tweet (it went something like ‘I am GAGGING to be on the show, holy sh*t’). Fortunately, I was taken up on my offer (/not-so-subtle demand). 


Low key freaking out.
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'Noises Off', a review.

16 October 2019 • , , , ,

– Tickets to this show were given to me in exchange for a review.
This in no way affects my opinion of the production. –

I thoroughly enjoyed the madness of ‘Noises Off’, the most spectacular witty farce, at the Garrick Theatre last week. 

I knew next to nothing about it, going in. But sometimes I like to do that when I’m seeing a show; I’ll only watch a quick trailer or check out the company’s social media accounts before I collect my tickets and strap in on the night. I had heard that this play was a revival of sorts; it’s a classic comedy by Michael Frayn which has transferred to the Garrick after a fabulous run at the Lyric Hammersmith.  

Now, for the plot – or is it a plot within a plot? Well, it’s a play within a play… 


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Don't Let Anxious Thoughts Control You*

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~ This post was written by a contributor ~
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My speech for Women's Voice, in Hastings; The Importance of Curiosity, Openness and Honesty.

12 October 2019 • , , , ,

I recently had the wonderful opportunity to speak at a Women's Voice event at the lovely venue OPEN in St Leonards-on-Sea, thanks to my dear friends at Eggtooth. I knew I wanted to speak, but for ages I struggled with finding a clear topic; the obvious choices were big things like my health, my scars, my love for my body, my love for bourbon biscuits... but finally, with my gal Lilly's help, I landed on something. 

I posted on Instagram about the event, inviting people to come along (thank you for being my support, Queen Clare!) and asking if anyone would want to read my speech on the blog. I got a handful of yeses, and that's enough for me! Here you go... 


These Yaks, though.

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