Patronise me.
24 December 2019 • almost amazing pod, patreon, support me
I
have some exciting news. Well, I hope you’ll all find it exciting.
I’ve
been starting some new projects recently. Yes, I’m starting them at
the end of the year, not the best timing really… or is it? Actually
it kind of feels like good timing, because I can let the ideas sit
and percolate a little in the last few weeks of the year (that
is, mind you, after they’ve followed me around
for a lot longer) and then properly dive into them at the
beginning of 2020. I’ll be going into more detail about them then,
too – rather than what I’m doing right now, which is really just
me being like ‘I have stuff happening, STUFF’ and not giving you
much more than that, oops…
Photo
by Grace at UNOA.
Anyway,
to help me fund these new projects, I’ve
started a Patreon. Yep,
I did that thing. So if you’re a friend, follower, or
even someone who feels completely indifferent about me but needs a
good place to get rid of some loose change every month, please
do check it out and consider supporting me and my mad endeavours.
I’ll take whatever you can spare! No amount is too little.
Alternatively, you’re welcome to help me via Ko-Fi,
which is a one-off, non-committal thing, so you can just pop
something over to me now and again but not sign up for £? per month.
I’m
not asking for mad moolah here, I just wanna have a lovely little
community of supporters who (hopefully) appreciate what I’m making…
and enjoy exclusive, behind-the-scenes action AND get priority
on ~*things*~.
Yes,
so, that brings me onto what supporters can get by contributing
whatever they can each month… the truth is, I haven’t quite
worked it out. I know what I will be able to give as perks and
extras, but I haven’t formulated the ‘tiers’ of rewards just
yet. And of course, if I told you now what you’d be getting,
it might spoil the surprise I have planned to announce in the new
year! I’m trying to build up excitement and suspense, here.
Geeezzz. Also, I'm open to ideas. What do YOU want
in exchange for your spare pennies each month? Hugs? Kisses?
Giveaways? Exclusive newsletters and good old BTS #content? Let me
know via comment, tweet, email,
smoke signals, anything.
So here’s
my link – oh, and if you follow it, you’ll see what
one of my new projects is because I refer to it briefly in my bio!
That was clever of me, innit.
2020 visions.
17 December 2019 • 2020, new year, no pressure
To
begin with, I really liked the tweets that were circulating a few
weeks back saying things like ‘the decade is nearly over, what are
you most proud of?’ It made me reflect (although that’s something
I do way too much anyway, tbh) and yeah, feel proud of my
accomplishments, big and small. I made myself remember the work
struggles, and feel relieved that I now do something I truly love; I
thought about my worst moments of loneliness, and then appreciated
the wonderful close friends I can rely on these days. And of course
it hit me hard when I looked back on how ill I’ve been, and how
much better I am now. It was all very positive, yes.
But
then I saw the tweets become A Bit Much; friends of mine were quote
tweeting saying things like ‘eekk who are you my mum, lol’, ‘wow,
I can’t think of anything’ and, most heartbreakingly, ‘I
survived, and that’s enough’. I realised not everyone wants
to look back on the past ten years – and that’s okay. I mean
really, right now, with all the sh*t that’s going on, we should
really be looking toward the future. And thinking about the good can
do, for ourselves and others. But then, we also mustn’t put too
much pressure on ourselves. I know I do;
I’m constantly obsessing over my carbon footprint, recycling
effectively, the interest rates on my savings, and what big moves
I should be making in my career (HA, okay so that last one
was a joke). Sometimes, just the littlest aims and targets are
enough.
coffee
and world domination plans with Erin.
So,
with that in mind, here are my goals for 2020:
- become more independent (whether that means moving out, or just taking more responsibilities in the family home)
- cook more (I seem to have nearly forgotten how since uni, and I miss it a bit)
- don’t scrape or dent the car (harder than it sounds, for me)
- be a little less scrappy with timings
- be kinder to my brain (it’s been through a lot)
- only buy stuff from charity shops, and/or invest in essentials from better and more ethical brands (e.g. Organic Basics, what a bunch of babes)
- book reviews in at work (no matter how terrifying that may be)
- enjoy the freedom of trips away, rather than planning activities for every second of them
- volunteer more
- find the perfect vegan milk chocolate (still haven’t tried the new Galaxy range; I feel like that will be a game changer)
- stop referring to groups of people as ‘guys’, ffs
- watch more films, and less of the same old TV series
- learn more fun facts
- go on more exciting car/train journeys to new places
- Don’t look back, you’re not going that way. (who said that, please? It’s a quote that’s on my mind a lot, these days)
And that’s it… at least, until I think of a couple dozen more when I get into bed and try to go to sleep tonight. Luckily, there’s always the edit button.
I
feel like we’ve got to the point in the year when everyone’s
saying ‘if I don’t see you before, have a happy Christmas/New
Year’. So, yeah, that.
Small But Big; Miga Swimwear.
12 December 2019 • Miga Swimwear, small but big
Hey,
lovely readers. Welcome to the second instalment in my ‘Small But Big’ series! This
is a new project within a project (wait, is this blog a project, though? If
so, sh*t, it’s been going on a while hasn't it?) that’s designed to
shout-out small
businesses; take a closer look behind the Etsy pages, into the
stock cupboards and under the pristine front desk, and give a good insight into the minds of creators.
Ooofftt,
I’ve got myself all excited about it after that little spiel! Well,
this interview is with the lovely Marialuisa at MIGA Swimwear; a
brand celebrating womxn
with visible differences, disabilities
and chronic illnesses, by
selling
swimwear
specifically
designed
to boost
their confidence and help them love their bodies.
Hey,
Marialuisa. Thank you so much for taking the time to e-answer my
questions! To start with, tell us a little about yourself, please?
How
did MIGA Swimwear come
to be?
MIGA
starts from my experience with disfigurement: I have
brachymetatarsia, which means that I have shortened 4th toes on both
of my feet. A couple of years back, a friend asked me, “what’s
wrong with your toes?” I got very uncomfortable and quickly changed
the subject. I remember thinking: 'How is it possible that I am 25
years old and I still react like this when someone asks me about my
feet?'
It
dawned on me that this question was always going to come up, no
matter how old I got. So I decided to focus my master’s at Central
Saint Martins, UK, on figuring out ways to lower stigma in the
disfigurement community. To my surprise, I found that swimwear design
coupled with storytelling could help women feel more comfortable with
their bodies. One of the first women that I worked with, a burn
survivor, was able to go back to swimming because of the bathing suit
I designed for her. At this point, I realized I could not only change
my perceptions toward disfigurement but that of others too.
Your
website says ‘Disfigurement Inspired’. Can you expand on that a
little?
Our
tagline, Disfigurement Inspired, comes from the belief that
disfigurement, as many things in life, can be a source of
inspiration. Our aim is to contest the negative stigma surrounding
the word disfigurement. Many times I have been told that we shouldn’t
use the word disfigurement in our branding, that we should opt for
the words visual or physical differences. My concern with using words other than disfigurement is that they wouldn't be clear enough.
A physical difference can be having brown hair, as opposed to black,
for example. If we are not clear about what we are referring to or if
there is any confusion as to what we are trying to do, we will fail
to break the stigma that surrounds not only the word in question, but
the community it seeks to represent. Instead of being constricted by
the word’s literal meaning, we should feel empowered to give new
definitions to the words that make us uncomfortable or that cause us
pain. By taking ownership of the language, we can change not only our
perceptions but the perceptions of others. And that is powerful.
What
do you think is your biggest achievement thus far in your business
journey? And what is one of your biggest dreams for this brand?
My
biggest achievement thus far has been to find the right production
team. After a year of many challenges trying to do it all on my own,
I realized I needed to pivot. I needed to hire people that were
smarter and more skilled than me, especially in the skill sets that I
do not have myself, in order to scale our business. After a lot of
asking around and really putting it out there that I needed help, I
found these two highly detailed-oriented and professional, overall
badass ladies I hired for this collection and I couldn’t be happier
with the results.
My
biggest dream is to challenge the established beauty standard so that
more women feel comfortable in their own bodies. I believe I can do
this by creating stigma-breaking, self-esteem boosting swimsuits. My
professional goal is to make MIGA Swimwear profitable. If we don’t
get sales, we won’t be able to continue to raise awareness about
the experience of having disfigurement, disabilities or chronic
illnesses and thus, break the stigma. A study recently conducted
found that more than a third of people with visible differences are
discriminated against at work. I believe that fashion, specifically
swimwear design, can change that.
Anything
else you want to share? The floor is yours!
It
is important for others to know that our brand is not only for women
living with disfigurement, disabilities and/or chronic illnesses. We
do not seek inclusion at the expense of excluding other groups. We
believe non-disfigured and able-bodied people can re-frame how they
look at their own bodies and ultimately, learn how to accept and love
themselves through the lessons of the disfigurement, disability and
chronic illness community.
Thank
you so much for answering my questions, Marialuisa. I personally am
so inspired by what you’ve created with this business. Readers, you
can find MIGA at migaswimwear on
Instagram, or at migaswimwear.com!
Oh, and in case you missed it, here’s the first 'Small But Big' post – an interview with the wicked Renee at Sh! Womens Erotic Emporium. You’re welcome.
45.
11 December 2019 • about me, facts
I'm currently tackling a bad reading slump. One of my worst fears is having bad breath. I am trying to wear less blue these days. I've definitely overdone the Christmas shopping this year. Every time I watch 'About Time' I pick more holes in it... but I still love it. I have been described as 'iridescent' and 'audacious' recently. Sometimes, I still dream of living a vibrant and bohemian life in Brighton. I really miss studying. I'll be launching a podcast in the new year. I'm still well and truly shook by how popular these 'fast-facts' posts are. The current state of this country angers, confuses and deeply saddens me. It's time for a change, surely.
Small But Big; Sh! Womens Erotic Emporium.
2 December 2019 • Sh!, small but big
I
was delighted to visit Sh! Womens Erotic Emporium in London recently,
for an incredibly intimate gathering with other women who have
experienced some form of cancer (plus my gorgeous pal Hannah, who
came to support me). Together, we discussed how our diagnoses,
operations and treatment have affected our mental health and sex
lives.
** Quick
shout-out to some brilliant women at Macmillan who organised it all,
and made such a great start in talking about sex with cancer
patients. It is something that’s really needed in the Cancer Community! **
I was so chuffed to have the chance to chat with the brilliant Renee Denyer, Senior Store Manager at Sh!, and I'm very excited to launch this new series I'm starting, 'Small But Big', in which I highlight small businesses and why they're worth shopping with, rather than going for the same old (and often problematic) chain brands - and I feel like Renee might be the best first guest I could have asked for.
Hey, darl. Thank you so much for chatting (virtually) with me. I
have so many questions, but I’ll try to keep it succinct…
Can
you give the readers a quick herstory of Sh!? And what
inspired its divine conception?
Ky
Hoyle, the Founder & MD, went on a shopping trip in Soho with
some friends in early 1992, intending to find some fun playthings.
What Ky experienced was alienating, intimidating and sleazy; dark
sex shops owned by porn barons, run by male staff and catering to
male sexuality only (or at least their view on it!).
Amidst
the DVDs and scratchy panties were the toys, phallic and graphically
‘realistic’, locked away in grubby glass cabinets.
Male
customers followed her around, standing too close for comfort -
clearly a female looking at sex toys was open game, as the only other
women around were of the blow-up variety… Even the chain that
appeared more 'female-friendly' felt more about making women sexually
attractive to men than about exploring their own pleasure.
She
stomped off home, toyless but inspired to make a change...
Ky
set about creating a place where the individuality and complexity of
sexuality was celebrated and Sh! opened its doors in April 1992. The
name was a playful comment on society's silencing of women's
sexuality – with the exclamation mark sticking its tongue out to
all that!
Sh!
was the UK's first sex shop for women, and it was also the UK’s
first-ever boutique-style erotic shop; A place where women could
explore and discover their own, true sexual selves rather than having
it dictated to them.
A
well-lit, welcoming and relaxed environment, staffed by an
approachable all-female staff, highly trained to give personalised
advice and to make matching the right toy to the customer their goal.
Interaction and questions were encouraged and cups of tea offered.
Demonstration
toys were laid out on tables, all with batteries, so customers could
handle the vibrators in order to feel intensity and listen to volume
before making their decision. (In those days, this was unheard of!)
Before
a customer left the shop with her new purchase, the staff religiously
battery-tested each vibe to ensure it worked. This made Sh! the first
shop to offer guarantees on all electrical toys, and to return faulty
vibes to suppliers (much to their horror!). At the time, it was
assumed that customers would be too embarrassed to bring back a
faulty toy to a sex shop.
Sh!
was born out of passion, rather than business acumen. Ky is often
asked if she saw a gap in the market but she’ll truthfully say
'no’. She believed then, as she still does today, that women should
have a place where the discovery and celebration of our pleasure
is paramount!
Image sent to me from Sh!
What
kind of events do you host in the shop? Which ones do you feel are
the most popular – and what is the most unusual one you have ever
held?
We
host a number of events and classes; book launches and readings, sex
education (for adults); life drawings; we facilitate Café V in
collaboration with My Body Back Project; we offer events for
menopause support groups; we’re currently working on a range of
sex-positive workshops in collaboration with the amazing peeps at
Macmillan Cancer Care; we offer free classes to women’s HIV+
support groups… If it’s sex-positive, body-positive, and
empowering – count us in!
The
most popular classes are our Blow His Mind (fellatio) and Orgasmic!,
a women’s empowerment guide to anatomy, arousal and orgasm.
Please
tell us a bit about the special work room in the back of the shop? My
friend and I were lucky enough to get a little tour of it, a
while back…!
Ah
yes – this is my favourite part of the shop! We have a Silicone
Lab, where we hand make silicone dildos and butt plugs. We also have
a leather workshop, where strap-on harnesses are hand made, as well
as our own range of bondage accoutrements like blindfolds, wrist
cuffs and spanking paddles. It’s a joy watching our fantastic
manufacturing team at work!
If
you could tell not just women, but any and all humans one thing
about sex and sexuality – what would it be?
It
is YOUR body and it’s your birthright to enjoy the pleasure it
gives you.
Also:
Always add a drizzle of lube. #ProTip
How epic are these queens, my readers? I highly recommend you pop into their cave of sexy magic next time you're in London. Also, they're currently crowdfunding with the aim to expand their amazing business and hopefully build a cafe/events space, launch an app and SO MUCH MORE! If you want to support them and their very important mission into empowering womxn and opening up the world of pleasure for all parties, please give them a few pennies. Whatever you can spare will be appreciated. Also, check out their events and maybe get a workshop or panel discussion in your diary to learn more about the company, the world of kink, or perhaps to spice up your sex life a little.
Thanks
so much for chatting with me, Renee. Love to all the team, and I think I speak for everyone when I say please never
stop doing what you’re doing. x
Where have you been?
18 November 2019 • chats
For
the past few months, I’ve been struggling with a serious creative
lethargy. I wouldn’t call it Writer’s Block, as such; it’s more
like Writer’s Disenchantment and Disassociation. But that's not quite as
catchy, so...
I’ve found it hard to devote time and energy to blogging, and my bigger writing projects have been put on pause too. I keep saying it’s because I’ve been so busy with my two jobs and various social commitments, which is true in part, but really it’s a lack of drive and inspiration. I have flashes of wanting more than anything to create things, which are often brought about by going on long walks, watching films or doing my regular sweeps of the local charity shops on my way to work, for some reason – but the rest of the time I simply feel too drained to conjure anything up. I’m also full of guilt for not setting aside even half an hour each day to do something, anything, creative just for myself. I used to devote entire days to the blog, and have about a dozen Word documents saved in little icons on my desktop. These days, I just stare miserably at my drafts on Blogger, and abandon hope worryingly quickly.
I’ve found it hard to devote time and energy to blogging, and my bigger writing projects have been put on pause too. I keep saying it’s because I’ve been so busy with my two jobs and various social commitments, which is true in part, but really it’s a lack of drive and inspiration. I have flashes of wanting more than anything to create things, which are often brought about by going on long walks, watching films or doing my regular sweeps of the local charity shops on my way to work, for some reason – but the rest of the time I simply feel too drained to conjure anything up. I’m also full of guilt for not setting aside even half an hour each day to do something, anything, creative just for myself. I used to devote entire days to the blog, and have about a dozen Word documents saved in little icons on my desktop. These days, I just stare miserably at my drafts on Blogger, and abandon hope worryingly quickly.
Photo: Erin Veness
I’ve talked to a few friends recently about my increase in screen time each day, and an addiction to social media forming. I think this is mostly down to my need to do something creative and connect with people, but always being ‘on the go’ means I can only manage a quick scroll, a flurry of commenting and perhaps a post with a chatty caption, a few times a day. That rubbish little routine pretty much became a substitute for blogging, and it didn’t fulfil me as much as writing my feelings out in my happy space does. So, after realising this, I decided to allocate more time for writing. I’ve started scribbling WRITE on my days off in my diary, with a blank box beside it that gapes at me, yearning for a tick. I used to be more specific with my diary notes; I’d write titles of blog posts I wanted to write, or had already written and wanted to organise their allocated publication dates… it was A Bit Much, in the end. I started to get stressed about writing, posting and scheduling, and before I knew it, I was in a dead zone and nothing was being written, let alone posted or scheduled. Arghh. I think the trick is not putting pressure on myself; simply telling myself to write something on any given day is enough. I mean, nobody’s going to come after me for not publishing that particular post on that particular day, are they?
My mental health ain’t great these days, my gang.
Well, it can be weirdly amazing for a few days, I’ll feel like I’m really turning the corner, but then the following week it’s absolute balls. I don’t really know what’s going on. I’ve had blood tests to check my hormones – but joke’s on me there, my pill suppresses/replaces them so much there’s not a whole lot to check. I asked about returning to counselling, but they can’t put me on a waiting list until the new year. I chatted with my GP, who properly listened and told me he trusts me to keep an eye on things and will help in any way he can if things get any worse. There’s not a whole lot more I can do, really. I actually wonder if regularly writing my feelings out on here, like I used to when I was 17, is what’s missing in my life and brain right now. Y’know? Please do comment or tweet me or DM or whatever with any life hacks and tips for pulling myself out of depression spirals – but please, no mindfulness or meditation. I’m shit at that stuff.
My mental health ain’t great these days, my gang.
Well, it can be weirdly amazing for a few days, I’ll feel like I’m really turning the corner, but then the following week it’s absolute balls. I don’t really know what’s going on. I’ve had blood tests to check my hormones – but joke’s on me there, my pill suppresses/replaces them so much there’s not a whole lot to check. I asked about returning to counselling, but they can’t put me on a waiting list until the new year. I chatted with my GP, who properly listened and told me he trusts me to keep an eye on things and will help in any way he can if things get any worse. There’s not a whole lot more I can do, really. I actually wonder if regularly writing my feelings out on here, like I used to when I was 17, is what’s missing in my life and brain right now. Y’know? Please do comment or tweet me or DM or whatever with any life hacks and tips for pulling myself out of depression spirals – but please, no mindfulness or meditation. I’m shit at that stuff.
Photo: Erin Veness
Okay, here's something nice that happened recently: I hosted a lil party at work with a small group of women from the WI. They were so kind, warm and receptive to what I had to teach them. I am usually dealing with kids at work, so it made a nice change to be chatting with more mature people who wanted to learn new things. The woman who booked the party emailed the boss afterwards, and gave me some lovely feedback. These days with my turbulent mental state, I don’t feel as much – it can be a lot of numbness. Tall, fuzzy walls. Now and again, though, the nice things sneak through. And validation at work always seems to do the trick. Probably because I love what I do, and take immense pride in it.
Now, for a few weird random things that have happened: last night, I dreamt my favourite cactus was yanked out of his pot, with only his little baby growth left, and I was told he’d dried out and died. I feel like this happened in my dream because I have been so chuffed about how much this guy, my first ever cactus, has grown recently. He’s spawned a bulbous baby, as I mentioned, has flowered several times and grown a coat of fluff as he’s gradually grown taller and taller; I recently had to scoop him out of the large Starbucks cup he’s been in for the past 2 years, and re-pot him and his sprog. It was a proud moment. So obviously my destructive subconscious had to terrorise me with the vision of him dead. Hmm. Rude.
Anyway, please do admire Ken (formerly Kenickie, but I feel he’s matured into a Ken) below, and also let me introduce his succulent wife, Lizzo (formerly Rizzo, for obvious reasons, but after seeing the juicy queen herself live in London last week, I had to pay tribute to her somehow).
Now, for a few weird random things that have happened: last night, I dreamt my favourite cactus was yanked out of his pot, with only his little baby growth left, and I was told he’d dried out and died. I feel like this happened in my dream because I have been so chuffed about how much this guy, my first ever cactus, has grown recently. He’s spawned a bulbous baby, as I mentioned, has flowered several times and grown a coat of fluff as he’s gradually grown taller and taller; I recently had to scoop him out of the large Starbucks cup he’s been in for the past 2 years, and re-pot him and his sprog. It was a proud moment. So obviously my destructive subconscious had to terrorise me with the vision of him dead. Hmm. Rude.
Anyway, please do admire Ken (formerly Kenickie, but I feel he’s matured into a Ken) below, and also let me introduce his succulent wife, Lizzo (formerly Rizzo, for obvious reasons, but after seeing the juicy queen herself live in London last week, I had to pay tribute to her somehow).
Another random thing: I’ve been asked to be a guest on a live podcast recording for The Loneliness Collaboration in London next week. I’ll be chatting with some lovely other folx about being creative, being freelance, and being lonely. Get tickets and come along, if you can, please.
What else? Well, as this decade is rapidly coming to a close (what?) and the twenty-twenties (or Roaring Twenties 2.0?) are about to commence, I’ve been reflecting on my life and what’s been happening in it these past few years. I’ll obviously write a whole post about it soon, if all goes to plan, but right now the things that are immediately springing to mind are: I’ve made big life changes, but still have a way to go. I’ve lost a few friends, but been better for it. I am looking for open doors, and finding them in the most unlikely places. I have fallen in love with a pair of hands, and the body, mind and soul they’re attached to. I am enjoying what I do for work, which still feels strange. My brain is fine. Not perfect, but it’ll do. My bowels are okay. Not great, but at least they’re working. And as I said earlier, my mental health has seen better days, but I’m on the case.
What else? Well, as this decade is rapidly coming to a close (what?) and the twenty-twenties (or Roaring Twenties 2.0?) are about to commence, I’ve been reflecting on my life and what’s been happening in it these past few years. I’ll obviously write a whole post about it soon, if all goes to plan, but right now the things that are immediately springing to mind are: I’ve made big life changes, but still have a way to go. I’ve lost a few friends, but been better for it. I am looking for open doors, and finding them in the most unlikely places. I have fallen in love with a pair of hands, and the body, mind and soul they’re attached to. I am enjoying what I do for work, which still feels strange. My brain is fine. Not perfect, but it’ll do. My bowels are okay. Not great, but at least they’re working. And as I said earlier, my mental health has seen better days, but I’m on the case.
Photo: Erin Veness
Right, how are we feeling about this kind of post making a comeback? Does the chatty vibe work for you? Let me know. It felt good to write – but then I also kept worrying it wouldn’t read very well, it wouldn’t grab readers’ interest, what’s even the point!? Deary me. My mind knackers me out.
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