Almost Amazing Grace.

Lydia Reeves & The Vulva Diversity Project.

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:55:00 +0000

Lydia Reeves is a brilliant, badass body casting artist, working out of a studio in Brighton (she travels around, too; see her Insta for more info on that). I’ve admired her work for a while now, and was lucky enough to be a volunteer in her Vulva Diversity Project! I then went back to have my fabulous, mismatched boobs cast so I could hang them in pride of place in my home. These experiences were so positive, empowering and fun; I’d recommend her amazing casting to anyone who wants to preserve a bit of themselves, get over any aesthetic hang-ups, and truly love their body. She has so many more awesome things coming soon, so give her a follow on Instagram and keep an eye on her website now!

Lydia recently popped down to Hastings to do some recording for a super exciting project I’m working on. I can’t wait for you all to hear her speaking passionately about body love, breaking stigmas, and the pressures of society. But for now, here she is in blog interview form, talking about her vulva project...

(Photo from Lydia's website.)

How did the idea for this project come to you? What was the original aim, and has it changed?

After suffering with huge anxieties and insecurities surrounding my own vulva, I decided I wanted to create something which helped other vulva owners to celebrate their vulvas, instead of feeling ashamed by them.

This started by casting myself, and then a few friends. I had no big plans for it to go the way that it has! After realising the positive effects it had on me and my friends, I put a shout-out out on my Instagram to see if anyone else wanted to come and get theirs cast. Turns out this project resonates with A LOT of people!! Since then it has organically grown into this beautiful, diverse, project which has already helped so so many people understand that all vulvas are completely normal, and beautifully unique.

(Photo from Lydia's Insta.)

When did you first cast a vulva? What was that like!?

I cast my own vulva when I was 19 (almost 10 years ago!) This was after first learning how to body cast, and of course, I applied this technique straight to my vulva! At the time I wasn’t in the right mental place to start embracing my vulva, so hid the cast under my bed for years and years!

When I first started this project last year, my first vulva cast wasn’t the best…It was on one of my best friends and she happened to have a lot of pubic hair at the time. I had no idea how much Nivea cream I was supposed to use, and clearly didn’t use enough! We spent the best part of 10 minutes easing the goop off of her pubes bit by bit as she’d got pretty stuck in there!! A HUGE learning curve for me, and thankfully we’re still good mates haha!

What do you use to make your castings?

I mainly use a high strength plaster to create the finished pieces. I love the organic feel and the fragility each cast possesses.

What is the process like for you, the artist, working with a model?

I absolutely love the casting process. First and foremost I always make sure I’m putting the participant at ease as much as I can. I completely understand that this can be a very nerve-racking experience. Before getting into the casting process, we chat a lot about why they decided to come and get their vulva cast today, and I share a bit about my journey too if it feels appropriate. I could have never predicted how much I’d learn from doing this project, and it’s by far the best thing I’ve done to date!

(Photo from Lydia's website.)

Where did you see this project going? Was there a particular goal you wanted to hit?

I had no idea where I was going to take this project when I first started. At the very beginning I kept on saying ‘if it helps just one person feel more comfortable with their vulva, then I feel like I’ve done a great thing.’ I could never have foreseen it going the way it did, as just over a year later I’ve cast 200 vulvas, and had countless messages from people – both who are part of the project, and also those who follow my work on Instagram – saying how much my work has completely changed the way they view their own vulva! I can’t wait for my exhibition, and my book launch, to reach more and more people.

Did you know Lydia sells some amazing handmade products, too? Check her store out here!

Where can people find you on social media? And how can they sign up to get their beautiful bodies immortalised in this unique way?

My Instagram is @lydiareeves_artist and my website is lydiareeves.com. I am no longer taking volunteers for my Vulva Diversity Project, but I am still very much casting vulvas, boobies, bums and tums (and anything else you’d like casting!) so please feel free to drop me a message about booking in!

Thanks so much for stopping by, Lydia. Huge love for you!

48.

Mon, 12 Oct 2020 17:30:00 +0000

For those who don't know... I’m Grace.

I have only recently discovered chow mein, growing my hair out (a little bit) is proving very difficult, I'm trying to make more time to write, doing a 'big shop' in the supermarket brings me such joy, coming off the pill has been amazing and absolutely sh*t, I've finally bought a Monstera Deliciosa, I stare at myself way too much during Zoom calls thinking 'do I normally look like that?!', I'm trying and failing to set bedtimes on my iPhone, going back to work has been weird and lovely and exhausting, I'm just starting a 28 day body 'reset' course with a local nutritionist and I'm so nervous/excited, turmeric is magical, fast fashion is evil, eating vegetables is important, I really think Sara Pascoe and I could be great friends, but then I worry I wouldn't make her laugh very much.

I do these fun fact posts now and again, and weirdly, they get crazy amounts of reads. You nosy peeps. I love you.

Photo: Erin Veness (safe distance etc., etc)

The joy of kissing.

Fri, 25 Sep 2020 16:34:00 +0000

I love kissing. No, seriously. It's a big deal for me. In fact, I'd say it's a make or break point. On my first date with Hands, I confessed to him (after a few whiskies) that I believed kisses were extremely important; I’ve always felt that if I get on with someone, great, but if their kisses don’t work for me, then odds are we won’t continue seeing each other for very long. I want sparks, excitement and a feeling of connection.

photo: Sophie Mayanne

What part of kissing is the best part, though? Is it the build-up? I used to love that part, when I was a hopelessly romantic teenager, full of hormones and constantly fighting inappropriate urges. We actually used to do an exercise in my Drama A Level lessons to ‘create sexual tension’ (hardly necessary, in a class of 15 sweaty teens mostly wearing leggings and writhing around to moody trance music, but hey) in which we’d grab a partner (literally) and take it in turns to walk towards each other and get in super close, as if we were about to dive in for an epic snog, then turn and walk away at the last minute… then turn back longingly, one last time. Goodness me, it was intense. And obviously, we all loved doing it. Because the suspense was delicious. It was like a scene in The OC, or even Skins; the will they? won’t they? plot lines were so juicy, it was almost a let down when the characters would break the tension with a smooch and end the wondering immediately. I remember I had friends at school and then college who I didn’t ‘get with’ because I enjoyed the ‘maybe’ of it all too much. I properly relished the excitement and question of it. My friends and I would always be swapping stories about ‘almost kisses’ on the train home, we’d get drunk on the anticipation and flush hot pink as we described every little detail – “he and I were in the costume cupboard behind the theatre, and we both reached for this jacket at the same time, he turned to me and we made eye contact and I FELT HIS BREATH on my cheek…”

Yep. The build-up, the not-kissing part, is pretty wonderful. But y’know what else is? The actual kissing part. When I was very young, I remember wondering how on earth we humans decided that we liked smushing our mouths together, and how that could be a declaration of attraction, or even love. And I mean, to this day I can still see the weirdness of it all, if you look at it simply – it’s just two faces being abruptly stuck together by two pairs of lips, with the optional tongues slipping in and out and shaking all about. It’s really bizarre. But it sends the happiest tingles through you; it somehow connects with your whole body, and your brain can get really into it as well. If it’s done right, that is. I’ve been kissed by some truly magnificent masters, a few promising punters, and then some absolute amateurs. Everyone has their own style and preferences (for instance, I’m really not that fussed about the tongue. Leave it in there, mate). I’m a big fan of hands on the sides of my face, or maybe one against the back of my head and one on my waist. Even a light hug around the middle feels nice. I once shared a great kiss with someone in a suit, and I think what made it great was the fact that I could grab hold of their lapels and pull them toward me. 10/10. I’ve also kissed someone I probably shouldn’t have, and that fact was hot enough really, but they also did this trick of running their hands up and down my back in little circles, which made me shiver against them and get in even closer. Sensory overload.

But then it doesn’t always have to be dramatic. It can be lovely and gentle, like my first kiss with Hands, which was across a wobbly table in a pub on a quiet Friday night; just a little smooch that tasted like a sweet mingling of whisky and rum, it felt so gentle but hid within it a hint of wickedness.

photo: Sophie Mayanne

Then comes another exciting part… the after. When you break apart from the person you’ve been kissing and share a moment there, just you two. This is particularly lovely after a first kiss, partly because all that tension that built up would have finally been released, and you’ll both feel the happy relief of it as the dust settles around you… but also because it’s a taste of what’s to come. A first kiss is like a key, and you let yourself into something with it. You don’t know what the something actually is yet, and that’s part of the excitement, isn’t it? I, for one, love the ‘after’ part of a kiss. It can be so brief; just a quick flicker of a spark between each other’s eyes, blink and you’ll miss it, before you both look away and smile to yourselves, then continue with whatever you were doing. Return to the party, refill your drinks, catch up with other friends, don’t think on what just happened too much because there’s no time now. Or it can sit with you for a while, a comforting feeling that settles on your shoulders and tickles your lips; it fills up your chest with a mixture of warmth and confidence that makes you sit up a little and show your teeth when you smile. It glows in the corners of your eyes. For the rest of the evening, you and the person you kissed will feel the little smattering of stardust that was born when you collided, and exists between the two of you.

photo: Sophie Mayanne

What’s your favourite part of a kiss? And are there any that you think will always linger in the back of your mind?

Recent Reads: prison, musical theatre, and a dead dad.

Sat, 12 Sep 2020 13:56:00 +0000

Oh boy, this one is very late going live… oops. I actually read these books about a year ago, and wrote these reviews back then, but then the draft got buried somewhere and I'm only just resurrecting it now. Think of this as a catch up, dear readers. I mean, maybe it will reignite the excitement for some of these books, as it's a while since some of them were published!? Yeah, that's what I'll go with...

'I Am Not a Number', by Lisa Heathfield.

The Traditionals have been voted to lead the country, winning people over with talks of healing a broken society, of stronger families and safer streets. They promised a happier future for everyone. But when Ruby is swept up with protesters from the opposition, her life is changed forever. Locked in a prison camp far from home and with her belongings taken from her, she's now known by the number 276. With horror escalating in the camp, Ruby knows that she has to get her family out – and let the world know what's happening. Set in the present day, I Am Not A Number is a powerful and timely book for both young adults and adults alike.

I already had a bound copy of the MS (she says casually, like she didn’t gasp dramatically when it came in the post with a note from the publisher), but I couldn’t not have a finished paperback edition of one of my favourite author’s books. As usual, Lisa broke my heart with her gorgeous characters and the sheer emotional weight of the story. Perfect. Devastating. Addictive. I always get so swept up in her books, it often takes me a couple of days to get my head out of it once I'm done reading. It's an emotional hangover.

'The Truth About Keeping Secrets', by Savannah Brown.

Sydney's dad is the only psychiatrist for miles around their small Ohio town. He is also unexpectedly dead. The circumstances are suspicious, to say the least; how could he crash his car randomly, with no witnesses and no explanation? And why is June Copeland, homecoming queen and the town's golden child, at his funeral? As the two teenagers grow closer in the wake of the accident, it's clear that not everyone is happy about their new friendship. But what is picture perfect June still hiding? And does Sydney even want to know?

This book took me about a month to read. It just didn't grab me, which was a shame, because it had been highly recommended by the bookish friends whose reviews I tend to trust the most.

I called it about two chapters in. Which of course I find immensely satisfying, being right, but in this case it was a bit of a bummer. I wanted to be taken for more of a ride, and been more surprised. Maybe it's because I don't go for crime/thriller novels usually (the only exception, as far as I know, has been the genius Tom Pollock) but I wasn't hooked by this one.

'SING (Like No One’s Listening)', by Vanessa Jones.

Since her mother died, Nettie Delaney hasn't been able to sing a note. This wouldn't be a problem if she wasn't starting at Dukes, a prestigious performing arts college, with her superstar mother's shadow hanging over her. Everyone is watching Nettie, expecting greatness. Then one night, in an empty studio after college, Nettie finds herself suddenly singing, while someone behind a curtain accompanies her on the piano. Maybe all is not lost for Nettie! Maybe she can find her voice again and survive her first year at Dukes. But can she do it before she gets thrown out?

This one well and truly pulled me out of my reading slump. I don't know what it was, but this book had the same effect on me that a Holly Bourne, Lisa Williamson or Sarah Crossan one does, in that it was so bloody readable and fun. Lovely and totally believable characters, some great arcs, solid – and, at times, deeply emotional – story.

That’s all, folks! Well, that’s all from this teeny, old post about books I read a very long time ago… there will be a more up to date one soon, promise.

To any publishers reading this, my address has now CHANGED so please contact me if you still want to send me proofs etc.!

In these difficult times, we really need to be supporting the indies of the world, and steering clear of the giants who don’t appreciate the individual customers as much. Please consider buying from your local bookshop (find it here) or family-owned online businesses such as A Great Read! (aff link)

It would have been fun.

Tue, 08 Sep 2020 11:52:00 +0000

I was a very romantic teenager. Like, obsessed with all things love and lust. I had so many crushes, fantasies and ‘what if’ moments. I would spend hours listening to the same pop punk ballads, gazing out every train window, sighing dramatically, staying up late with my phone under the covers, agonising over my wording of the simplest texts – then sending the most obscure ‘hey, what’s up?’, definitely expecting a lovelorn essay in return, and being heartbroken when I only got a ‘nm, you?’ back, several hours later. UGHH. It was exhausting, having so many feelings about everything and everyone.

Most of these feelings were unrequited, of course. I think on some deranged level, I liked it that way. I wallowed in the pain and drama of it all. I can’t tell you how many friends I had who saw me as a confidante, someone they could go to for advice when they were sick with love. I’d happily listen, reply to all their texts (even if it used all £10 of my credit) and hog the family computer all evening to chat in mostly emoticons (remember those?) on MSN Messenger, when secretly, deep inside I’d be aching with sadness because all along, shockingly, I was in love with them. Taylor Swift’s ‘You Belong With Me’ was basically my life, for a few years. In fact, the whole ‘Fearless’ album was my soundtrack; I’d listen to it on my iPod classic as I walked to and from school every day, picturing my crush of the moment and I dancing together or kissing in the rain or running through airports for each other. It was torturous… and exciting.

image source

Then came the loves that were reciprocated. Oh yes, there were some of those! Who’d have thought? They were all pretty wild rides – emotionally speaking, that is. Intense and instant chemistry, a spark that anyone around us could see, secret kisses in cupboards, code names we gave each other, hands almost touching as we walked side by side, tension you could cut through when our eyes met, flurries of texts one night and then silence for days. I got greedy, sometimes. I couldn’t get enough. I lived for the most dramatic moments, I gorged on angst and would set fire to the quiet comforts so things would be more interesting, if only for a short while. I played with boundaries between friendship and something more, because that was my favourite story line in books, films and TV shows. I remember being surprised when it didn’t work out as well in real life as it did in works of fiction.

My first love was my best friend. They were the first of many best-friend-turned-loves – and the reason I started this online diary of sorts, actually. The day we met we felt something big, and mutually decided it must be romantic, so we went on a date the following weekend. We went to the cinema and saw perhaps the worst film to watch on a first date. It became ‘our film’. But I turned out to be the misguided character in the end, who put too much of themselves into a fantasy. We had our first kiss at one train station, then decided to be ‘just friends’ at another, a few hours later. And for a year or so after that, we were truly terrible at being ‘just friends’.

I remember when it all imploded, and I sat crying onto my computer keyboard, quietly screaming in pain. It felt like a physical loss. You were suddenly gone. Then some time later, I was in Waterloo Station, and you called me. You’d forgiven me. Then we both started uni, and you came to visit me a couple of times. The timing still wasn’t quite right, now I think back to it. I met you off the train one day, emotionally hungover and spiraling badly after a silly night spent with another ‘friend’. You were there, and ready. I wasn’t. Another time, we went for lunch at my favourite diner, and I told you over a shared portion of fries that I’d started seeing someone. Another Northerner, with the same name as you, curiously enough. You laughed, and shook your head. We went out that night dressed up as geeks, in dungarees and fake glasses, and a few friends of mine asked if you were my long distance partner. We got home at 2am and ate buttery crumpets, then literally fell into bed together. Nothing happened. Between these two occasions, we met in London. We’d kiss now and again, in cafes and museums and parks, never in a big moment, but because it just felt like the natural thing to do. It made sense. It’s so weird to think back to that now, because to this day I’ve never been like that with anyone else. It inspired me. I wrote a novel about two characters who loved each other deeply, and wanted each other so badly, but never crossed that line. I always thought that was it; we’d come together again someday and it would be like no time had passed. It would just click. I thought of you when I read ‘One Day’. You were my Dexter. You weren’t the one that got away, you were the one I never made a go of it with. I know that if I had, things would be very different now. Because it would have stuck, I’m sure of that. But then ‘The Versions of Us’ also reminded me of you, and made me wonder – we may have been perfect together back then, but would it have lasted? How would we have coped with the distance, our different university experiences, and my health scares?

The last time I saw you, we had lunch at one of my favourite restaurants in London. A small chain, a branch I’d never been to. You’d said as we walked there, ‘I think you’ll like this place’. You weren’t to know I’d been going to the one near me for years – on a lot of dates. I remember looking at you over my pots of dim sum and coconut rice, thinking ‘it’s still you and me, but it’s not the same us’. You told me a little about your work, and gave me updates on your family. I laughed at all the crazy stories, and briefly pondered on how I’d always wanted them to be my in-laws. I asked after your girlfriend, and you told me it was good, and you were working hard to keep it that way. I felt warm and happy for you. Since that day, we’ve called each other drunk a few times, and exchanged the odd message on social media platforms – we’re not Facebook friends any more, though. That seems too intimate somehow.

Today I found out you got married. An old friend of yours, another who you had a love story with once upon a time, told me. We’re both sad not to have known, nor been invited to celebrate with you. I’m giving some time to my teenage self today; remembering what I felt, what we had, and how heartbroken sixteen-year-old me would be to hear that it never went where she expected it to. I’ve cried at my breakfast table, put Taylor’s latest album on full blast and sung along in the shower – I’ve even asked David Nicholls for some wise words. I’ll say congratulations and move on tomorrow, but today I need to mourn for my old romantic self.

We were something, don’t you think so?

Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool

and if my wishes came true,

it would have been you.

Let's have a safe staycation!

Wed, 19 Aug 2020 15:21:00 +0000

Hello, angels. Who needs a bit of a break? All of you, and ASAP? Yep, that’s what I thought. These past few months, I’ve been seeing the same things pretty much every day. And surprisingly, I’ve grown a bit tired of my little flat, the residential streets in my neighbourhood where I’d walk up and down, round and round, day after day in lockdown… even the seafront is getting a bit samey for me, lately. I never thought that would happen! Anyone else feeling me on this? Oh well, there’s not much we can do about this restless feeling we’re all having, at the moment.

… or is there?

image source

Obviously going away abroad is fraught with issues at the moment and while a cheeky trip to sunny Spain, for instance, is the dream for most of us, you have to think– is it worth the time in quarantine when you get home? Nope! So why not stay in the UK, and do a little exploring here? There are so many wonderful places to discover not far from your doorstep, and you never know, you might find a new favourite holiday spot that you can visit without going through the faff of flying!

I personally have had some lovely experiences travelling within the UK; exciting road trips down the coast with friends, chilled solo adventures to historical towns, and epic train rides up to the Midlands and beyond. One of my favourite places to visit, though? It’s gotta be the Bournemouth area.

I have a few good friends who live in this area, and obviously it’s a treat seeing them when I travel that way. And it’s partly thanks to them, partly to my inquisitive mind and wandering feet, that I know of many lovely spots to visit within this part of Dorset. Here are a few of them…

Brownsea Island.

I come from a family that’s very involved in the Girl Guiding movement, and I attended my local Brownie, Guide and Young Leader meetings as I grew up, so of course I had heard about the legendary Brownsea Island. It’s where the worldwide Scout movement began in 1907!I finally got to visit there as a helper with my mum’s Rainbow unit, and it was a serious ‘wow’ moment. This National Trust site is a short boat ride from Poole Harbour, and has the most spectacular views across to the Purbeck Hills. I’d definitely recommend a day spent there, going along the free trails laid out all around the island, and spotting all the creatures who live happily in the woodland and lagoons. Oh, there’s also a picnic area and natural play ground, so it’s perfect for a family trip!

The Bournemouth beaches.

Well, obviously. Bournemouth boasts a truly brilliant sandy beach, which stretches on for miles, just a short walk from the town centre – via a beautiful little park, actually. Fun fact: it was in Bournemouth that the beach hut was invented 100 years ago, and they still have some of the oldest ones there. Weird eco-geek moment: the entrance to the beach from the centre of town has some MASSIVE recycling, glass, and general waste bins. That excites me, because the amount of beach litter collected in this country is ridiculous, and there’s no excuse for it.

Jurassic Coast day trip.

Another geek out moment: I did Geography GCSE, and was obsessed by the natural arches and caves that are formed by weather and the sea, over time. Durdle Door is not far from Bournemouth, and Lulworth Cove too. When you take one of the day trips available, you can see both of these natural sites, as well as Sandbanks, Swanage and Durlston Country Park.

Sopley Farm.

I’m biased, because I had a particularly marvellous trip here to do some pumpkin picking (although for us, as we visited on a rainy day, it was more like ‘pumpkin scooping’) but this fabulous farm in Christchurch is a gem. Vast PYO fields, and a cute cafe for those post-picking cuppas.

Oh also, Sopley Mill is a lovely wedding/event venue.

Healthy Habits.

Oh c’mon, I couldn’t not put a vegan-friendly cafe in here! This gem is in Broadstone, just outside Poole. Check out their Instagram for a (visual) taste of their menu – ooh, and they’re currently doing Eat Out to Help Out! All the more reason to go, when you book your staycation to Bournemouth.

In case you were worried about visiting these spots in this tricky time of COVID, fear not! I have looked up all of these activities and spaces, and they’re all imposing strict guidelines and hygiene measures. And of course travelling there by public transport is perfectly safe, too; I know our National Rail services are making it mandatory to keep a distance from fellow passengers, and wear face coverings at all times on their services and in their stations/waiting areas. And to ensure you stay somewhere that’s adhering to the new rules, check out the places listed here.

Okay, have I sold it to you? Good. Book your super safe staycation now!

This post is in collaboration with Hotels.com, but all views are my own.

Recognising the Physical Effects of Anxiety*

Sat, 15 Aug 2020 13:27:00 +0000

*this post was written by a contributor*

It’s safe to say that this pandemic has made people more aware than ever of the importance of looking after their mental health. Long periods of isolation, coupled with concerns about friends and family members all lead to a lot of stress and anxiety, so it’s important that you take check in with yourself now and again, and take steps to manage your anxiety. The problem is, a lot of folks don’t realise that they are struggling with anxiety, especially if they have never suffered from it before.

Photo by Team Maestroo from Pexels

The most obvious symptom is anxious thoughts, but anxiety actually manifests itself in a lot of different ways and it’s important that you know how to recognise some of the other signs. And the physical signs of it often get overlooked. Here are a few of them, so you can keep an eye out…

Stomach Problems

Your mental health and gut health are closely linked and when you are feeling anxious, it’s very common to have stomach problems. You may feel nauseous, and you can develop a lot of issues with digestion as well. It may not always be down to anxiety of course, and you should consider whether your diet could be causing it, but if you haven’t changed anything about your lifestyle and you suddenly start getting stomach problems, that’s a sign that you may be feeling very anxious.

Vision Problems

Most people don’t realise that stress and anxiety can lead to vision problems. When you feel very anxious, your body releases a lot of adrenaline and this puts pressure on your eyes, causing blurred vision. If you do notice that your vision is changing, it’s important to get your eyes tested and invest in a pair of specs (you can get some affordable ones at Eyeglasses.com) if necessary. There are a lot of other reasons for vision problems so you should rule those out first, but if you find that your vision is blurred and you can’t find any other medical reason for it, it could be down to anxiety.

Headaches

Tension headaches are very common in people that are stressed and anxious. The muscles in your neck, shoulders and scalp tighten when you are stressed and this is what causes the headaches. If you do some stretches to relax your muscles and relieve that tension, you will notice a big difference and your headaches should go away. Check out greatist.com for some simple stretches that will help to loosen up your muscles.

Fatigue

Everybody gets a bit tired sometimes but if you always feel like you don’t have any energy, there is probably something else going on. There are a few reasons why anxiety causes fatigue; firstly, your brain can run out of energy just like any other muscle so when you are very anxious, you will always feel tired. Anxiety causes your body to release a lot of adrenaline and your heart rate increases, but when this adrenaline runs out, you experience a crash and start to feel very fatigued. The physical impact on your muscles also leads to tiredness because your muscles are constantly tense all day long and they get worn out. In some cases, tiredness is a coping mechanism from your body because, by making you feel tired, your body hopes that you will take a break and recuperate. Sleep problems are also common in people with anxiety. It’s important that you find ways to improve your sleep patterns if you want to beat anxiety-induced fatigue.

Chest Pains

Chest pains are one of the scariest physical symptoms of anxiety. If you experience chest pains, it’s important that you see a doctor because there could be something more serious going on. However, a lot of the time, it’s down to anxiety. When you are anxious, it can affect your breathing so you take a lot of short, sharp breaths, which can cause the chest muscles to spasm and lead to chest pains. Anxiety also causes your heart to beat a lot faster and that extra stress on the heart leads to pains as well. When you are already feeling anxious and you start getting chest pains, it’s easy to jump to the worst case scenario and start worrying that something is seriously wrong, and this will only make your anxiety worse.

Often, the physical effects of anxiety are more of an issue than the anxious thoughts but people don’t make the connection between the two. You need to watch out for these physical symptoms and take steps to reduce your anxiety if you notice them.

27 things I love.

Fri, 07 Aug 2020 06:30:00 +0000

I was 27 last weekend. I won’t bore you with my usual lengthy spiel about how much I love birthdays, how I embraced my Leo energy, how much pressure I put on myself to entertain others and love every moment for myself, blah blah blah… let’s just get to the good bit: a good old soppy list!

Hang on a sec there, Gracelet. Haven’t you done this before?

Yes, yes I have. But before, I did a ‘24 Things I Have Learned’ list. That’s old news now. This year, I’ll be blogging about 27 Things I Love. Sound good to you? Good. Here they are, in no particular order…

Photo: Charlotte Amy Photography

Coffee. Let’s start with one of the biggies, and most obvious. I was brought up in cafes (thanks, Mama and Papa) and started drinking sachet lattes when I was 14, in my Drama classroom at lunchtime with my best friends. Since then I have worked in several cafes, dated several baristas, and really honed my coffee snobbery. I will only drink the strongest long blacks, these days. And the odd oat milk flat white (and in this weather I’ll have it on ice, please).

Books. Another obvious one. I’ve grown up with books. I love bookshops. I love the smell of books. I love writing about books. I love love love reading. It’s awesome, and important, and magical. Anyone who says otherwise is a twit.

Writing. I remember realising at the age of 10 that I was one of the only kids in my class/friendship group who wrote stories, diaries and even poems in their spare time. I started my blog at 17, and it was the perfect therapy as well as a creative outlet. I studied Creative Writing at uni. Someday, I want to write a book. I mean, I’ve tried many times but never got one ‘done’. Well, who knows? Maybe I’ll have one finished by 28…

Kindness. It’s the most attractive trait in any person. That famous, Instagrammable passage from The Twits, about being kind and it showing on your face? 100% true. Nastiness makes people ugly. Be kind. It costs nothing.

Work. I am very fortunate (and bloody privileged) to have only worked in jobs I have truly wanted. I am also blessed to have parents who have never forced me into a job, or criticised what I’ve chosen to do for work. I wanted to learn about coffee, so I became a barista. I love movies, so I worked behind a bar in a bloody bougie small chain cinema. I am obsessed with jewellery, so I’ve worked in a couple of crystal/jewellery shops. I wanted to be in the book world, so I interned (unpaid) for a publisher. I bloody love skincare and baths, so I got a job at LUSH. I’m worryingly experienced in the realm of social media, so I freelance as a social media manager. I want to write, so I blog and pitch and edit and do all sorts of random shit in that wild industry. I haven’t followed one path, ever.

Crystals and jewellery. As I said before, I’ve always been obsessed. There are photos of me as a teeny one with costume pieces on, or even grabbing relatives’ silver jewellery, and I used to wear the odd ring to school (the only school rule I ever broke, I think!) before starting to wear one on every finger from college age.

Drama. As in, theatre. Not toxic, shady real life stuff. I used to want to be an actor, and then a week or so into my combined honours Drama degree I realised I wouldn’t stand a chance, and it was okay to just study it because I was good at that, and act in the odd production for fun. What a relief. I miss acting, actually. It was such a lovely break from reality, and there was nothing like the bond you’d form with people when you worked on something together.

Plants.They’ve become my pets in this little one bed flat, throughout lockdown. They also look cool, and make fun projects.

Podcasts. Most of the time, I prefer listening to podcasts than music. There. I said it. It’s like my own personalised radio. I can have a giggle, learn something, feel seen, get some gossip… it’s magical. (Shall I do a blog post about my favourite podcasts? Would you read that?)

Tattoos. Obvious, again. I never thought I’d get any ink, when I was young. I actually thought sleeve tattoos were ugly and scary, when I was tiny. Please forgive Baby Me! I am now obsessed, and love how getting inked makes me feel; more in control of my body, and like I’m expressing myself for all to see.

Whole Earth Crunchy Peanut Butter. If you like smooth, get out.

Pooping. And poo talk. It’s a shit (lol) taboo, and it’s so great to talk about openly. As Mama would say, ‘everybody pulls down their pants to poo’ - and you are no better than me, if you don’t talk about it or even straight up deny ever doing it. You weirdo.

Hugs. Tight, hard hugs, full of emotion. Casual, gentle greeting hugs. Morning cuddles. Evening snuggles. All of ‘em. Love it.

Sex. And sexuality, sensuality, solo stuff, experimenting, literature, photography, intimacy, shops, kinks, all sorts. Much like poo, I wish it was talked about more openly.

Living by the sea. Like, within 5 mins walking distance. The sea keeps me sane. I have to walk along my seafront every day and absorb it, because sometimes I actively dread moving somewhere else, where there is no fresh sea air, sparkling water, weirdly-shaped pebbles or big ugly honking seagulls.

The moon. I will frequently text friends simply saying ‘LOOK AT THE MOON’, when it’s looking particularly sexy. I like to think it comes out and shines some nights, just for me. (I know I could not be more wrong or more selfish saying that, but let me have this)

Photo: Charlotte Amy Photography

The sun. I forget how much I love the sun until spring comes rolling around - I think it’s a form of protection; part of me deliberately forgets that I am essentially solar powered, to prevent myself from getting properly miserable in the shitty, wet, cold, grey months.

Bourbon biscuits. See my Twitter account for stories, rants, photos and reviews of these delightful biscuits, that have been a huge part of my life since I was very young. No, I’m not joking. It’s a passion.

Getting emails on my professional account. Because they’re almost always exciting, weird and wonderful.

Spiritual shit. I love tarot, the moon, crystals, and just the idea that we are all part of this great big magical universe that has its own energy and plans - but we’re not its puppets, by any means.

Paper diaries. My memory is not what it used to be, and I have never trusted electronic devices with all my information and day to day plans - because, well, what if they die and I’m left without anything!? Eeek. Paper diaries are definitely the way forward. So many friends are shocked when I pull mine out to schedule a coffee date, but then when they try it out themselves, their lives are forever changed. You are welcome, friends.

Handwriting. I will never take it for granted again.

Whisky. (yes, this was originally porridge, but I had a rethink and realised this was more important than my breakfast projects)

I've grown up in a family that loves a good scotch (particularly Papa, and Grandad), so I've had that influence from a young age. But I started drinking Jack and Cokes at uni, genuinely just because I fancied a guy in a band who wrote a song that contained the lyrics 'your boyfriend's downstairs drinking Jack and Coke'. I stopped getting Coke mixers a few years later, because they gave me hiccups and tbh I hate Coca Cola (don't @ me). I moved on to ginger ale for a while, and then one night my local didn't have any... so I had it neat. And I've never looked back. I'd marry whisky if I could. It makes me so damn happy. Gin is another fave, but that can go any which way when I drink it (happy, sad, angry, dopey, headachey... it's a lottery). Whisky is always a safe bet.

Having no hair. Folks think when I say ‘I love being bald/buzzed’ I’m talking exclusively about the ease of it. Nope. I mean, yes, there’s that, but it’s something bigger. I have had so much more confidence ever since my lovely barber shaved my head for charity in 2018; I’ve learned how to own my look when people gawp at me in the street, and how to generally dress to express my inner self.

My body. It should come as no surprise to you, readers, that after everything my body has been through, I am truly in awe of how much it has coped with, and how it fights to go on. I’ll never criticise it like I used to, or see its normal human parts - such as cellulite, stretch marks and, of course, scars, as ‘flaws’.

My brain. Same as above, really. My own squishy collection of grey matter has been through the worst shit; it’s been delved into, pulled apart in places, examined intimately, and zapped ferociously with radio waves, yet it still keeps on.

Oh heck, I’ll throw in the NHS here too, because I recently discovered that I’d have had to pay upwards of $250,000 for all the treatment I’ve had on them for the past 6 years alone, and y’know what, y’all may trash them on a daily basis for having long queues or messing up the odd appointment, or not running the right tests, but let me tell you - they are the best of the best, I’ve never ever had a bad experience, and I owe them my life a few times over.

Myself. Well, obviously.

'Boy Queen'; a review and exclusive author content!

Thu, 06 Aug 2020 06:30:00 +0000

Hey girl, hey. This is not just your average Almost Amazing book review, oh no… this one is special. Because you see, my queens, this book 'Boy Queen' is not just an utterly fierce treat that slays in the exciting world of drag lit as well as UKYA - it was also written by one of my favourite humans in the book world, THE George Lester. AKA That Gurrrl, the Drag Queen.

Oh, and this review of mine is merely the warm up for the big show – the lovely George has written about his favourite works of LGBTQ+ fiction, and you can read that excellent piece below.

George did a bit of a Taylor (see: folklore), and Ru-vealed this divine debut quite late in its publishing journey, considering how long it takes to get from writing to pitching to selling. What a cheeky move. And while I was surprised by the news, I wasn’t surprised at ALL by the subject matter of his first novel. Because George is, honestly, the #1 drag stan. He was the one who got me into Drag Race, some years ago, and I owe him several bevs for that.

Anyway, here’s the tea: Robin Cooper’s life is falling apart. His friends and peers are moving on to university, and he’s been rejected from every drama school he’s applied to. Suddenly, everything is ending and he’s being left behind. He’s just starting to doubt his potential, and is even considering giving up on his dreams, when he and his friends end up going to a local drag show, and suddenly it dawns on him that his future may not be what he’d originally planned… in fact, it’s considerably more sparkly.

… A less rambly synopsis and some readers’ reviews are on Goodreads, FYI.

The library is open, and you best believe I am doing some serious reading… but no shade. ‘Boy Queen’ is a truly brilliant tale of a young man finding himself in the most unexpected way, with some wonderful supporting characters, some good old juicy teen romance and bravery in the face of adversity. I mean, George himself has described ‘Boy Queen’ as ‘Dumplin’ meets RuPaul’s Drag Race by way of Gilmore Girls’, and this is perhaps the perfect summary of the story. You’ve got the downtrodden, inexperienced but determined main character who shines when they’re given the right opportunity, the supportive drag community - with some shade thrown in for good measure - the adorable first love with classic teen complications, friendships that could withstand any storm, and a bloody good mother-son relationship that makes your heart swell. I flew threw this proof in the early stages of lockdown, and it was just what I needed to lift my spirits and give me hope. Thank you for this, my darling. It’s golden.

Anyway, that’s enough from me. Time for some excellent guest content from the glamazon author! Read on, queens.

GEORGE LESTER’S FAVOURITE 5 LGBTQ+ BOOKS…

This is such a hard blog post to write. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a big reader of queer books, so I have a pretty big collection on my shelf. Whenever anyone asks me what my favourite is, the answer changes almost as quickly as I have given it. HOWEVER, dear reader, I will do my utmost to keep this list to just five of my favourite queer titles. These are just the first five that popped into my head.

HISTORY IS ALL YOU LEFT ME | Adam Silvera

*makes strange groaning noise because MY FEELINGS*

I will never forget the reading experience that I had with this book. There is something about the way that Adam writes (and this is true of They Both Die At The End, More Happy Than Not and even his fab new Urban Fantasy book Infinity Son) that really grabs hold of your feelings and SQUEEZES THEM!

History Is All You Left Me is the story of Griffin whose ex-boyfriend Theo has died in a drowning accident. Even though the two of them had broken up, Griffin is absolutely destroyed by this news and the only person who understands how he feels is Theo's new boyfriend Jackson. The entire book is told in chapters from the past (History) and the present (Today) and I spent every damn page of the book aching. It's absolutely one of the best queer books I have ever read and I will never forget being stood on a crowded train during my commute in absolute pieces while reading it.

HOLDING THE MAN | Timothy Conigrave

I pretty much talk about this book on my YouTube channel at any available opportunity (and talking about it now has me wanting to relisten to the audiobook!) This is a memoir that I stumbled upon a few years ago and fell head over heels in love with. To my knowledge, it is still out of print in the UK, but you can find editions of it on the internet. Anything is possible with the power of Google. But I don't understand why no one has picked it up. It's stunning.

It is the story of Tim's 15-year love affair with John Caleo, the captain of his school's rugby team when he was at school. It tracks his life growing up gay in a very conservative society in Australia around the height of the AIDS crisis. Conigrave finished the book shortly before dying of an AIDS-related illness, which is actually a fact I didn't know when I was reading the book. Because I'd made it all the way to the end and Tim was still alive, I assumed that he still was. Unfortunately he passed away, but this story still lives on and I urge people to read it. It really spoke to my soul. It's fantastic.

(This is an adult memoir, so there are adult themes in the book!)

PROUD | edited by Juno Dawson

Short story collections are usually hit and miss for me. I find it is a very rare thing to find a short story collection where every story in the book is an absolute belter and you love each one as fiercely as the last. Proud is just such a collection. From start to finish it is a glorious rainbow of queerness that made my heart sing! From the adorable to the achingly beautiful, the funny to the fabulous, what we have in Proud is a collection of stories that speaks to so many different experiences. Not only is it written by a fabulous collection of queer authors it is also illustrated, making it doubly wonderful and gorgeous and sparkly and QUEER QUEER QUEER! I live!

THE BLACK FLAMINGO | Dean Atta

This is quite a recent love for me but it is a fierce and burning love that I can't see going away any time soon. If you've read it, you'll understand, but The Black Flamingo is a novel written in verse that tracks the life of Michael, who is half Jamaican and half Greek-Cypriot, from when he is a baby all the way to when he is at University and discovers the sheer magic of drag. It is a journey of self-discovery and identity, a celebration of queerness and finding power within yourself. It is honestly one of the best books I have ever read in my life and if you've not got it on your TBR already, you're doing life wrong. Why are you still here reading this post? Go and get it!

WE ARE OKAY | Nina LaCour

My first experience of reading Nina was in her collaboration with David Levithan, You Know Me Well, which also happens to be a fantastic book btw. I didn’t really know what to expect going in but what I got was an achingly beautiful story of a girl being forced to confront all the things she has run away from when her best friend visits her at college over Christmas break. I finished it quite recently (it's been one of my many lockdown reads) and I am still thinking about and making that little groaning noise when something punches you right in the feelings. No, it really is that good!!

Please know that this is just a selection of queer books that I super love! There are so many more, just go to my Instagram and you'll see! Every other week I find another queer book that makes me scream and cry because I love it so much!

Thanks so much for this, darling George. This brilliant fella’s new book Boy Queen is out from 6th August 2020, and is available from all good bookshops (it’s on offer from my fave small family-run shop A Great Read, FYI).

You can find him as a boy on Instagram @TheGeorgeLester or in drag @ThatGurrrlQueen.

Routine = productivity.

Wed, 05 Aug 2020 14:11:00 +0000

* This post was written by a contributor. *

Think about how many things you have to do on an average day. Even for those of us with the minimum amount of personal responsibilities, life usually contains a fair amount of daily to-dos. Add in trying to build a career or launch a business, maintain a social life, clean your home, fit in some exercise and make time for family things and it's very easy to feel overwhelmed.

If we want to change our behaviour - stop drinking so much, eat a bit healthier, or finally have time to fit in that morning yoga session - it can often feel impossible to fit in. The key is to change your habits. Your habits are the small daily rituals that don’t feel like much but add up to a lot. Change your habits and you can change your life - and that is the power of a routine. If we want to be more successful and productive, it all starts with setting yourself up to achieve your goals and win at life.

image source

Get in touch with your body. While a small percentage of people are naturally night owls, the vast majority of us operate much better in the mornings - even if we don't realise it. The problem is that our body's Circadian rhythms are often forced out of sync by late-night Netflix binges and lack of exposure to natural daylight. The good news is that you can reset them. Try getting out and about for a walk or a run outdoors first thing, and you'll notice your energy levels starting to become more consistent throughout the day.

How do you sleep? The amount and quality of sleep that we get is vitally important. Without it, we are less focused, logical and creative, more irritable and intolerant and more likely to make bad choices with food and exercise. There is a reason that behavioural scientists refer to getting good sleep as a 'cornerstone habit' - it props up every other area of our lives. And yet many of us suffer from sleeplessness or poor quality rest. It's time to put some effort into ensuring a good night's sleep, but investing in a good quality mattress and bedding, banning blue light emitting electronic devices from the bedroom (these disrupt the body's natural production of sleep hormones), and making sure the room is dark and slightly cool. If you're still having trouble, or struggling with anxiety, it's worth looking into natural sleep aids such as aromatherapy diffusers or supplements - a CBD dosage calculator can help you administer a few drops to balance your sleep.

Be a morning person. Once you've gone some way towards improving your sleep quality, the next target for transformation should be your morning routine. Getting out of bed an hour earlier each day could give you a whole chunk of extra time every week to dedicate to personal goals - finally writing that novel, researching your family history, getting in some exercise or even just reading. If you find it hard to make that change, start by gradually making your wake-up time earlier by 15 minutes. It could also be worth investing in a sunrise alarm clock that mimics the natural light to slowly wake you up. Mornings are definitely the most productive time for the majority of people. Make yours count by tackling the trickiest task on your to-do list first of all. That way, you work on it at the peak of your mental energy, and start off the day with a positive momentum that will usually help you to achieve more each day. Even if you can’t tackle the whole task, setting a timer for 15 minutes and focusing on it for that amount of time will make inroads into something you’ve probably been putting off for a while.

image source

Eat well. They say you are what you eat, and it's true that our nutrition has a huge role to play in our mental and physical state. Too often, we get caught in a loop where we think we are ‘too busy’ to cook and eat properly. Then we end up relying on Deliveroo or ready-meals, which is not good for either our wallets or our waistlines. So how to break the cycle? Once a month, set aside some time on a Sunday for batch cooking. Find some great batch cooking recipes and whip up a large amount, before dividing into meal-sized portions in foil containers or food storage bags. Pop them in the freezer, and you have a month’s worth of delicious, healthy, home-cooked meals ready to defrost at any time. It’s a great trick that can really get you into the routine of eating healthier meals. Also try adding a daily smoothie to your routine. This is a great way to get extra vitamins and fibre into your diet easily. You can add ingredients like chia seeds and supergreens powder to your smoothie to really boost your intake, and they are so convenient and easy to make. You can even make them a day in advance and store them in a sealed container in the fridge.

Do you. Everyone needs time to recharge, so make sure your daily routine also includes a little of what you like to do each day. That could be doing a HIIT class online, working on a crafting project for an hour, catching up with friends over coffee or taking a walk outside. Time to replenish your soul should never be seen as ‘non-essential’ or ‘selfish’ - it's vital to take care of ourselves in this way so that we can continue to do good work and serve others. Making it a part of your daily routine means that it's far more likely to actually happen, and gives it the same importance as any other task that must be completed. Refill your cup in this way and you’re likely to feel much more positively about life.

What I got up to in lockdown.

Sun, 26 Jul 2020 15:22:00 +0000

Let me start this jolly list-post with a casual but firm reminder that lockdown isn’t old news. In my honest opinion, it should still be in effect because we have a lot still to fear… but then at the same time, it’s my birthday this weekend coming and I want to have all my friends with me for it. Tough time for my principles, to be quite honest with you. I appreciate your concern for me.

Photo: Erin Veness (safe distance etc., etc)

Anyway, I was told by my beloved NHS that I needed to shield at the end of March, etc., etc., I’m sure you’re sick of hearing about this by now, aren’t you? Well, for those of you who don’t know, I was told I didn’t need to shield so strictly any more, initially by my brilliant endocrinologist, who I spoke to over the phone, on the 13^th of May. This was then reinforced by my sassy, caring and no-nonsense GP a couple of hours later, in a phone call that interrupted my 6pm virtual yoga class. He told me I could, in his words, ‘be normal’. I was blown away by the fact that suddenly I was… not actually free, but definitely a lot freer. I went for a seafront walk the next day with my mama, at a safe distance, in the late afternoon. What a moment that was. I can’t lie to you, my readers, after getting a slightly reluctant ‘alright, but maximum PPE and only at anti social times’ OK from another one of my GPs (I need a team of them, I’m very high maintenance y’know), I’d been sneaking out at 7am the odd morning to have a quick walk by myself towards the end of the shielding period. It was vital for my mental health, after all those weeks cooped up in my teeny flat. Rest assured, I’d only dare to take 30-45 mins, and only walk around my block or along to the ‘quiet end’ of the seafront, with clingy gloves and a face mask on. I’d then jump straight in the shower when I got home, and throw all my clothes in the laundry bin. It wasn’t the best practical experience, but it helped my mind enormously. I did feel ashamed, though. That I couldn’t be strong enough to stick to my guns and put up with being indoors and having my step count rarely surpass 500 each day.

So as you can imagine, being able to walk around in full public view, with someone else, was just incredible. That had been one of my little goals... Oh, I’m glad you asked! I came to appreciate setting myself teeny little goals each day in lockdown. I’d tear off a scrap of paper from my notebook and write a short list of tasks/treats I wanted to do, at some point in the 24 hours stretching out endlessly ahead of me. I was very wary of the societal pressure to be ‘productive’ during lockdown; dozens of people I knew were committing to learning a new language, knitting blankets, sewing face masks, setting up an Etsy shop, writing novels (oops, I totally did that one), doing online cooking courses, bingeing whole series on Netflix, becoming addicted to Joe Wicks’s daily PE lessons… I just didn’t want to get on that dangerous hype.

The kind of little goals I’d set myself were: take out recycling, re-pot plants, doodle for 1 hour, finish this series of ‘How to Get Away with Murder’, buy new backpack, video chat with Louise, have coffee out on my roof, finish reading this book, check out ASDA online order… it was very rewarding and calmed my mind, being able to complete ‘tasks’ and tick the little boxes I’d draw next to each bullet point, but not exerting too much energy or putting too much pressure on myself. I’m definitely going to keep doing this, after the Covid madness dies down.

Another thing I’d recommend you do to feel some satisfaction and low key retrospective productivity, my friends, is go back through your diary/calendar/phone/social media posts and make notes of all the different things you managed to do in lockdown. You’d be amazed. Also, have a think about just how much time you’ve had to sit with your thoughts, self care, make measured decisions, and virtually catch up with friends and family you might not get the chance to speak to that much, in ‘normal life’.

Okay, on that pensive note, here’s what yours truly has got up to in the past 4 months of shielding/’normal’ isolation...

appeared in GRAZIA magazine – the actual print edition, not just online!
Became obsessed with the Scrubs podcast, ‘Fake Doctors, Real Friends’ (and their adorable theme song)
started a life coaching course with Tilda Storm
grown several crops of basil, and made pesto out of them, twice. (thank you for the gift, Emma)
bought approximately 29475 plants, and only one has died… so far.
Attended many, many webinars.
Ordered a couple of boxes of doughnuts.
Written a few chapters of a book.
Appeared on the BBC website and social media, talking about being a 20-something shielding.
Spent hours upon hours out on the roof of my neighbour’s kitchen, reading and writing and listening to podcasts.
Got a pretty dope tan, no doubt from the many hours on the roof in the baking sun. Sunglasses tan lines and everything.
Attended several Resonate events via Zoom (and every time I was making, then eating, my dinner, while listening to others reading their poetry or play their music)
clapped for the NHS, and felt warmed by the amount of people across the UK doing the same. Then rolled my eyes at myself, because really, we need to be doing more than just leaning out our windows and slapping our hands together or banging pots and pans once a week. C’mon, people.

Photo: Erin Veness (safe distance etc., etc)

Done virtual yoga classes at least once a week (sometimes twice, sometimes thrice).
Boogied a lot, live on Instagram. In fact, I did it every morning for a couple of months. It helped me massively.
Did an interview for a Norwegian newspaper (and subsequently had many messages via social media from kind Norwegians).
Done a lot of catch up calls and quizzes with my colleagues (and felt like a nerd, because I miss them and my job so much)
wrote a blog post for Plant Base, one of my favourite vegan cafes like, ever.
Started making the most of little things.
Bonded with my flat (Dora), finally.
Got takeaways from a lot of the local places (and been angry that I had to pay £3 for delivery when normally I could walk to the end of the road to collect).
Washed my clothes in my tiny bath tub, and dried them on the roof.
Watched a LOT of Netflix. (there will be a separate post about that, in myWhat I’ve Watched series, probably)
Done a vlog AND blog posts for The Brain Tumour Charity
Made actual meal plans, based around the expiration dates on fresh foods in my fridge. (WHO AM I)
Written a good few sponsored blog posts, and realised I’m alright at copywriting.
Taken on a couple more social media management jobs… and realised I’m alright at creative caption/post writing. AND spreadsheets.
Downloaded the House Party app, and exclusively used it to watch Drag Race each week with Rikki & Mel.
Ordered Easter doughnuts online to be delivered to the parents’ house, and felt like a top daughter.
Done a few Instagram live streams for my workplace (and really enjoyed them).
Discovered Viv Era vegan meat substitutes. Game changer.
Remembered how much I love doodling, and found a lot of mindfulness in doing it.
Chatted on a few friends’ podcasts (see my socials for links).
Gone for a walk through a park I hadn’t been to since I was tiny.
Changed my invoice format (no joke, this excited me no end. Thanks Penny for the new template!)
Had an MRI and consultation with my neurosurgeon.
Rescheduled my appointment with the super-handsome cosmetic surgeon.
Attended two local (and safely conducted) BLM protests.
Had one of my favourite doggos sleep over at my flat, and then walked him along the seafront the next morning.
Picked up dog poo for the first time in my life, on a busy main road.
Had friends come down to visit me; for doorstep chats at first, then seafront walks.
Moved my furniture around, and got really excited by the minuscule changes it made to the vibes of my rooms.
Ordered books from A Great Read with some of my furlough pay, and then got angry because my furlough pay is quite tragic and I can’t afford such luxuries.
Had so many random acts of kindness from friends, buying me treats from my Amazon wishlist! (and annoyed my neighbours by accidentally making them collect all the deliveries… eventually I got my own doorbell)
Over-watered several of my plants, but only killed one. RIP Charles.
Didn’t wear makeup for approximately 13 weeks, and didn’t miss it at all.
Grew my hair stupidly long, against my will, but ended up liking it a bit.
Become an absolute wizard at making graphics on Canva.
Drunk a lot of gin.
Made friends with a family of foxes.

Photo: Erin Veness (safe distance etc., etc)

There’s definitely more I’ve done/achieved, but I’ll leave it there for now. What have YOU been up to in lockdown? Anything you’ve learned, or small achievements you want to celebrate? Comment below, or tweet me perhaps. Stay safe, my gang.

Post-lockdown home dreaming!

Fri, 10 Jul 2020 13:01:00 +0000

This is another sponsored post! How fabulous.

I don’t know about you, lovely readers, but since lockdown it’s been my mission to make little improvements in my flat. Anyone who follows me on Instagram will have seen that my living room is slowly being taken over by plants; I’m finally framing some artwork to hang off my picture ledge, and I’ve recently invested in a new sparkly shower curtain which has made my teeny windowless bathroom seem HUGE and BRIGHT!?

I can’t do much with this little space, of course. It’s perfect for me right now, sure, but after seeing so many of my pals buying homes and doing them up all over social media (house renovation Instagram accounts are a huge thing now, and they’re kind of addictive, don’t judge me) I have been inspired to look to the future and make some loose plans for my dream home.

(image source)

This dream home will probably be near where I am now, because I can’t not live by the sea. In lockdown, I’ve come to love the sound of the seagulls every morning outside my window - and I’ve even come to like it when they swoop down and join me on my rooftop! Weird, eh? So yes, I think I’d have to live around here (St Leonards on Sea/Hastings, ideally Hastings Old Town) or somewhere like Brighton. Ideally I’d like an old ‘character’ property, but I know Victorian houses can be a right pain to do up, so maybe a nice 1930s house… Oh, I’m not that much of an expert, my parents are about to move into one of these and it’s pretty cute, and sturdy.

This house would have to have high ceilings, a fireplace, plenty of windows, and some general quirky vibes to it. I’d customise it with some pops of colour and snazzy second hand bits and bobs. Because why go to one of the big warehouse shops for bookcases and cushions, when you can spend a day or two snooping around the local antique shops or charity homewares places for something truly unique?

There are certain things I couldn’t get second hand, mind you. Some things can only be bought new, and aren’t up for compromise. For instance, I’d happily splash out on some big art pieces for the walls. And really, can you honestly say you’d buy and use a second hand fridge/freezer? Yikes.

(image source)

Now, what about the properly dreamy things you want to add in? Have you ever thought about installing a little water feature, building a fancy kitchen island, or featuring a glass floor in your home?Don’t talk yourself down and worry it’s too dreamy or expensive, because it really doesn’t have to be. Have a look at TuffX Glassnow, if you want to add some light and excitement to your new home, or spice up your old place, or bookmark them for the future!

A Reverse Mortgage, and how it can help you.

Thu, 09 Jul 2020 21:25:00 +0000

This post was written by a contributor.

Have you heard of a reverse mortgage? Maybe you fancy applying for one? Well, here’s what you need to know going in…

Photo by Thgusstavo Santana from Pexels

Everyone loves the sound of retirement. But the problem is, retirement is only seen as fun when one has the financial capacity for it. At the end of the day, you need that money to start up any pet projects, go on adventures, or shell out for unexpected expenses. As a result, most people look for more financial support at this time — some take out a loan, which sounds okay, but it’s not great for you in the long run. Conventional home loans have their issues that can cause you serious anxiety, especially if you cannot keep up with repayments. However, a reverse mortgage takes away these challenges.

What Makes A Reverse Mortgage Different?

Unlike a traditional home loan that just takes your money non-stop without considering your circumstances, a reverse mortgage gives you the financial support to meet your needs and live comfortably. You do not have to worry about repaying the loan immediately, which means that you can enjoy your money as you wish.

Another impressive feature that comes with a reverse loan is that you can reside in your home, even after taking a mortgage on it. The traditional loan puts you at risk of losing your place. There is no way that will happen with a reverse home loan. The only time you can pay back is when you are 100% in a position where you are able to, or put the house up for sale.

If you qualify for a reverse mortgage, your lender will expect you to clear off an existing home loan before accessing the fund for other causes. You cannot have two home loans for a long time. Your long-term loan (reverse mortgage) takes the place of your short-term loan (traditional loan).

How Much Can You Access?

The first question to ask is if you needa loan or not. If you have the financial capacity to cater for your upcoming expenses, then a loan is not necessary. Otherwise, you can apply for a reverse mortgage. Also, your home equity should exceed the amount you intend to borrow. Your lender will determine your eligibility based on the following factors:

Your age
Financial situation
The age of your home
Location
Condition of your home

According to federal law, you can only borrow a percentage of the equity of your home.

How Else Can You Qualify for A Reverse Mortgage?

To begin with, you should be 62 or older to procure a reverse mortgage. This is why most people refer to it as a ‘retirement loan’. There are other ways to qualify for this type of mortgage, apart from using a reverse mortgage calculator. Your lender will run a credit check to determine your financial capacity in paying the property taxes, home insurance, and home maintenance cost.

Additionally, you have to reside in your primary residence permanently. If you have a multiple-unit apartment, it is required that you select one of the units that will serve as your primary residence.

Black Lives Matter.

Thu, 09 Jul 2020 18:46:00 +0000

Read the title again. And again. And then say it to yourself, if you need to. Because it is the absolute truth, and it can’t be ignored any more. It's not okay to be 'not racist'. You have to be absolutely, wholeheartedly anti-racist.

Yeah, I definitely should have posted this earlier. I have no excuses. I’ve had a killer writer’s block situation going on recently, but that’s because I haven’t had a clue what to say and I’ve been trying to listen more.

I have a clue now. I am avery (VERY) privileged white woman, and I need to shut up for a second and give my platforms to others, who aren’t given the opportunity to speak up. So here are some things you need to do, and places you need to go to, right now, if you are like me and want to help others while also educating yourself…

Read this by Fumble. And this one, too.

Find out how you can support the BLM movement in the UK using this open document, by @perkin_amalaraj.

Check out this Finimpact post about supporting small Black-owned businesses.

Go and look at some of favourite blogger/model/influencer humans' content about BLM; Ella (aka Whimsicella), Amyleigh, Nyome, Beth, Stephanie, then follow gal-dem, Rachel Cargle & The Great Unlearn, Layla F. Saad, Char Ellesse, Aja Barber, Ericka Hart, Danielle Coke, Asiyami Gold, Rachel Ricketts AND SO MANY MORE (comment with any other suggestions, please) (also, I would make a list of folks to unfollow because they're damaging and nasty, but that would give them traffic and attention, so nah).

Right. What else? Who else? How else can I help? Hit me up in comments and/or on social media. I'm always open, darlings.

Unite for Reuben.

Tue, 23 Jun 2020 11:59:00 +0000

Scene: the ITU at the adorable neurological centre, Haywards Heath, back in 2015. 22nd of May, to be precise. I’m stirring slightly on my bed, one eye swollen shut, bandages partially over both ears, and staples already itching in my scalp. I’m so tired. And grumpy. The anaesthesia is still heavy in my body, and I can almost feel my brain groggily mending itself after the latest invasion.

Despite the tiredness, and infinite miserable energy pouring out of me, this stranger manages to keep me talking for a good few minutes before I happily pass out again. Then before I know it, I’m on the ward and the nurses are bringing me cups of tea and asking me if I’ve opened my bowels yet. It’s so funny, I don’t recall my time in the ITU after either of my brain ops – in fact, I once said to the parents ‘oh, I was only in there a couple of hours’, to which they replied ‘Grace, you were in there for two days!’ – but I remember that little flash of goofy cheer. I tell my family about the strange man who insisted on chatting with me while I was trying to black out peacefully. I start asking the nurses how he’s doing, once I remember his name – Graham. And then that goofball visits me on the ward, with his fiancee, and I find out they have a one-year-old son, too. I also learn that he’d been diagnosed and put in for surgery roughly six months after he’d had a seizure on his motorbike, which made him crash on a local roundabout. He and I become friends on Facey B, and stay in touch after we both go home to recover.

We got our histology results around the same time, a couple of weeks after our ops. (Don’t test me on that though, my memories of that time are a little compromised, to put it lightly.) I got mine first, and it was the same as the year before; low grade in a weird place, misbehaving cysts, etc. etc. Then on Grandma Latter’s birthday, while we were sitting in the garden having cake and bevs to celebrate her (she was in our local hospital at the time, mere hours away from a peaceful departure) I got a message from Graham to say he’d had his results back. Higher grade than they expected, very aggressive… two or three years. I remember having a proper cry then, on my blanket in the garden with a slice of cake in my lap. I then read the message to the family and declared ‘it’s just not fair.’ Because it wasn’t. He had a one-year-old son, a lovely fiancee, a job in place, and a whole future he’d just started to step into. How can it all be taken away, just like that? Why would the universe choose him, of all people, to go through this?

I’m happy to say that Graham is still with us, smashing the original prognosis, thanks to treatments – and undoubtedly, that unyielding cheer and dark humour. He and Amber married in May 2016, and by all accounts had a delightful honeymoon. Little Reuben is now five years old. Life is rolling on.

But unfortunately, my pal is not out of the woods just yet. He found out in February this year that his brain bugger is back. My family (and the rest of our Strictly Come Dancing group chat) didn’t find out about this until recently. I mean, what can you say? I guess it’s not surprising that it’s reappeared, and we can only hope that more treatment (which will be happening at my beloved Marsden, in Sutton) will sort it out and give him more time.

And that’s not the end of the sh*t he and Amber are facing now.

Their lovely Reuben has recently been diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, a muscle-wasting disease that will affect him massively growing up, and ultimately shorten his life. Realistically speaking, he will be lucky to make it to 30. Those are the hard, horrible facts.

Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy is incurable. There are charities for it, such as Duchenne UK and their partner Joining Jack, who are doing their best to help those who are living with it, and a few celebrities support these charities, too. But unfortunately the disease is not getting much publicity and research, because it’s too rare. (Not unlike brain tumours, I would add grumpily.)

The Wood family have had to face some of the hardest things anyone can, in recent years. But they have the toughest spirits, and unwavering cheer. When Amber slipped a disc last winter, they would still come round for Strictly parties with us – we propped her up with pillows, and she didn’t complain once. Graham’s Facebook statuses are the kind that make you cover your mouth in horror while shrieking with laughter (my favourite one was when he said he was having to wait two weeks for a GP appointment, and tacked on ‘it’s fine, not like I’m dying or anything’). Reuben is a total sweetheart, and what he lacks in muscle and energy (he can only walk for about 20 minutes before he gets tired) he makes up for in cheekiness, and the most genuine smiles.

While I’m sure this badass family could make it through this with only their natural cheer and determination, they will of course need financial support too. That’s why Graham and Amber have created their #unite4reuben Instagram account and fundraiser; please check out the JustGiving page and read their story on there, because it will tell you everything you need to know about the costs of raising a child with an incurable disease. If you can’t spare any pennies right now to donate (which is totally understandable; these are weird times and a lot of folks, myself included, are only just scraping by on furlough) then please share the link around. I’ve tweeted about it, and won’t stop tweeting about it until they’ve reached their goal. I’ve already had people unfollow me because of how much I’ve been yelling about it – good riddance to ‘em.

My family are working on a plan for an epic fundraising event, which I will be announcing on here and my social media platforms once it’s all sorted. Keep an eye out for that. All I’ll say for now is – if any readers who run their own creative businesses, have some good connections or perhaps work at companies that help with causes like this, could slip into my DMs on Instagram, Twitter, even my Facebook page, that would be much appreciated.

The universe has messed with the wrong people. Let’s do what we can to help them, shall we?

Six years since.

Sat, 06 Jun 2020 22:03:00 +0000

My neurosurgeon was shocked when I told him that it's been six years since my first op. His eyes widened above the paper mask. He said he couldn’t believe it had been that long, and rolled his eyes in that ‘how old am I?’kind of way – like I do when one of my younger colleagues reminds me that there’s an age gap of almost a decade between us, and they were playing ‘Moves Like Jagger’ in a Year 7 music class around the time I was drunkenly bopping to it on the dance floor during Freshers Week.

Yep. Six years, folks. As I write this, it’s six years since I tried to snuggle down in my private room the night before facing the biggest and scariest thing I’d ever encountered; it was a warm night, I had an arrow drawn on my neck in pink marker pen, and I spent far too long simply staring at the cheap print on the wall at the end of my bed, over my pale legs and koala socks. Awoman in a big hat, standing in a poppy field. A couple of years later I went to Majorca with Dad and Grandad, and was truly spooked when I saw the exactsame print hanging on the wall outside my hotel room.

Six years since the awkward, cold shower in the wet room down the hall, at 7:30am. Then they got me on a bed, and wheeled me down the corridor into the theatre. It all felt very dramatic. I cried a lot when I had to say goodbye to my family and be taken behind the heavy white double doors. The tears stopped quickly though when I was suddenly in the next room with the anaesthetists – one of whom had the surname ‘Bacon’, which cracked me up. I remember thinking I had the easiest job, because I was going to be asleep the whole way through. I didn’t have to do any work. I also didn’t have to wait around, and wait for news.

Bacon asked me where I was from. He’d noticed I had ‘a bit of an accent’. I explained that I’m half Australian, and he promptly asked mewhat my favourite beach spot Down Under is. I surprised myself; I immediately said ‘Digger’s Beach. We have family friends who live there, it’s so beautiful, and peaceful’… or something like that. I passed out at some point there. I woke up ten hours later, my head full of fog, and actually felt embarrassed that I’d fallen asleep while talking. I had to remind myself that they’re probably used to it. I’ve since learned that they keep you talking as they put you to sleep, although I am still not sure why. My most recent operation, the reconstruction in 2018, was the best cut off conversation; one of the guys (who had a boring surname, I reckon, as I don’t remember it) asked how I felt as the drugs went in, and I tried to describe the sensation of the ceiling spinning above my head, like it was on a rolling conveyor belt. ‘It’s like I’m drunk!’ I laughed. He then replied ‘ahh, too many wines eh?’

I scoffed, and said ‘wine? More like whisky! Or gin...’ and then I blacked out. Well actually, I don’t know if it’s a blackout. I never remember the actual ‘going under’ moment. I just remember coming round, in another room, and bursting into tears, every single time. The last time, a male nurse had to give me a cuddle. I pulled him in and wailed against his chest. He gave me a doll to cheer me up – a mini version of him, apparently – but then by the time he came to collect it, a day or so later when I was on the ward with the anaesthesia slowly leaving my body, I didn’t quite remember him and was shocked to see this teeny doll on my bedside table. ‘Where did that come from!?’ I yelped.

Anyway, I digress. I have too many hospital stories, clearly. Recently, I even drew up a list of my top 10 hospitals I’ve been treated in (Haywards Heath in the top spot, closely followed by the Marsden in Sutton… I won’t bore you with it all, but just FYI, Brighton is right at the bottom. Beware!).

Okay. Back to Hurstwood Park, in 2014…

I had the best treatment in that little old place, both times I went in for surgery. Yesterday I wandered into its beautifulgarden just before my MRI appointment, something I hadn’t done before despite revisiting the place many times over the past six years. I sat on the bench, the same one I’d sat on with my family and friends, after my second op. I looked over at the bench I’d sat on when one of my favourite schoolteachers called me to check in, not long after my first op. I then walked over to the glass conservatory, and let myself think back to the time we all sat in there with a cake, celebrating Grandma Latter’s birthday; I’d signed her card after months of not being able to hand write. I'd also sat in there before my second operation, reading a book, none of the words really sinking in.

And then, because clearly I wasn’t weeping hard enough, I peered through the windows into the (now unused) women’s ward. I took a photo of my bed, the one right at the end against the wall, under the loudly ticking clock. I remembered the time my surgeon visited after the first op, and dared me to get up and walk; the old ladies in the beds next to me, the ones who kept me awake every night with their snoring and manic mumbling, cheering me on as I walked myself to the toilet dragging my wobbly IV contraption along with me.

I feel like I’m very lucky to be able to look back on these traumatic times almost… fondly? Don’t get me wrong, at the time it was terrifying and uncomfortable and I wanted more than anything to go home and to find a way to get myself a new, more functional brain. I never wished it would happen to someone else instead of me, though. I actually liked the idea that I was taking one for the team; that this horror wouldn’t happen to anyone else if it happened to me. Blah blah blah…

But it’s not just luck. I have had the most incredible journey, and the best treatment imaginable (and allon the NHS, mind you). My surgeon said yesterday that he’s happy to make my MRIs and check ups an annual thing from now (!!) but he emphasised that if at any point in the coming year I feel anxious or ‘twitchy’ (not sure if he meant literally when he said that… it would be appropriate, to be fair) I can call his secretary and request a check up. And I know that if I diddo that, I’d have a scan and consultation appointment made for me within 24 hours, easy. That’s the level of care I get. I know not everyone gets that pleasant experience, and that’s so unfair. Hopefully, someday, it will change.

Going back a moment there – yep, I’m having annual check ups from now on. One per year. I used to have a scan and consultation every three months, then it was pushed back to every six, and now here we are. It’s weird. I’m a bit sad about it, if truth be told; I love going for my scans, having a happy, zen doze in the MRI tube, and then seeing one of my favourite humans not long after to peer at a screen with the inside of my head on it, and have a catch up like we’re friends meeting for a long overdue coffee date. I always keep him updated on what I’m doing for work, how my writing is going,and I tend to throw in whatever is on my mind at that moment in time;yesterday I casually mentioned that I have a boyfriend, and that I’m going to a BLM protest over the weekend. I’ll be sad not to have another one of these meetings for a full year, but I’m trying to focus on how exciting it is that I have got to this point. My lil buddy is behaving himself now. He’s not a blip any more, or a blob, or a bugger. We’re on good terms now – let’s hope it stays that way.

Are you new here? Not read the full story? Start from the oldest post under this tag. Bring tissues with you, and please don't feel any pressure to read if anything I've written makes you feel uncomfortable.

By the way, Hurstwood Park have a League of Friends you can donate to. If you have a few spare pennies, I'd appreciate it if you could send them their way. They're doing pretty amazing things.

I can use the loo, too!

Thu, 28 May 2020 11:15:00 +0000

This is a sponsored post! How exciting, eh?! Thank you in advance for reading it.

You all know about my illnesses, right? I go on about them rather a lot. Well, that’s because they’re a huge part of my life, and most days I have a lot of things I have to consider, and compromise on if necessary, because of them. I am also faced with ignorance a fair bit, and even prejudice. I once tried to use a disabled loo in the Arrivals area of an airport, because my IBS had flared up badly during my journey, which then triggered my PTSD, and it was a whole load of YIKES. Anyway, when I made for the disabled toilet, a man stopped me and pointed to the ladies loo, which was across the big room with a queue of about 15 tired-looking women waiting impatiently. I tried to explain that I was eligible to use the disabled facilities, and even gave him a peek of my tummy scar in the hope it would convince him, but there was a language barrier and he seemed to have decided that because I was standing upright without assistance, and had no visible wounds, that I was a just a ‘regular person’. On the surface I was fuming, yes, but I also felt deeply hurt.

(Bra was a gift from Hara)

Just because you can’t see someone’s illness, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Not all disabilities are visible. Take someone’s word for it, trust them, and don’t make your own assumptions. Why would someone lie about a condition – especially when, in my case, it involves a lot of poop talk?

Luckily, we’re coming into a new time when it’s more widely accepted that not everyone is as able-bodied as they may appear. We still have a way to go, but I’m hopeful that someday, my fellow IBS sufferers won’t be turned away from the loo, and folks like me who are living with a bit of cancer won’t be told it ‘doesn’t count’ or automatically asked how long they have left to live. There’s so much more to chronicillnesses than you realise, my lovely reader, and the best way you can support those of us living with them, and ultimately become more understanding and helpful, is by letting us tell you the facts; listening to what we have to say, giving us support and asking any questions you have when we’re in a safe space.

Millercareare mobility specialists, helping those of us with disabilities and chronic illnesses get around and live our lives every day. They have mobility scooters, wheelchairs, powerchairs, stairlifts, and walking sticks for sale. If you know anyone who could do with some help moving and generally being more independent, then please check them out!

Social Anxiety & COVID. *

Wed, 27 May 2020 06:30:00 +0000

This post was written by a contributor.

There’s a clear link between being stuck in the house all day for 10weeks, and feeling anxious. The more time you have to mull over your feelings, the more cloudy your mind can get, and before you know it you’re climbing the walls and wishing you had a handy paper bag to breathe into!

Whether you’re worrying aboutyour body,or what will happen in the future, there are plenty of stress triggers going roundat the moment. And anybody who deals with anxiety knows it’s not as simple as clicking your fingers and the cacophony of emotions disappearing.

So, when you don’t have many other options (cheers, Coronavirus), what are you supposed to do when you feel the tension building? Hopefully, these tips will help!

image source

Stop watching the news. Okay, for all we know, youmay enjoy listening to the newsreader talk about everything that’s wrong with the world – no judgement here if so! Yes, it’s goodto keep yourself informed about the situation, but hearing about individual political advisors breaking their own rules isn’t going to fill you with warmth and happiness… actually, you may want to throw something at the TV (we’ve been there). The truth is that there is a lot to fret over currently, so it may be worth taking a break from the endless cycle of bad news. Stay blissfully ignorant; don’t obsess over the stats, just find out what affects you directly and stick to that.

Indulge your sweet tooth. If you enjoy eating junk food – and whodoesn’t? – you may not have enjoyed isolation, what with the limited takeaway options, and supermarkets restricting the amount of each product that you can buy. But, that’s about to change, thanks to the introduction of CBD gummies. Most sweets are packed with refined sugars, and may increase the risk of contracting diabetes. These gummies are different, as they are full of cannabinoids, which are nutrients that play a big role in keeping your body healthy. Not only do they help with liver and brain function, get this – they alsoboost yourimmune system! So, indulging your sweet tooth could help yourchances of staying COVID-free and ease any anxiety you have.

image source

Get virtual help. When anxiety gets too much for you to control, you shouldn’t feel like you have nowhere to turn. If it’s hard to share the full extent of your upset with your loved ones, some professionals are still accepting appointments. They are held onlinevia Skype, Zoom, or Microsoft Teams, and it’s an opportunity for you to speak to an expert and get things off your chest. Anybody who’s experienced anxiety before should consider reachingout to their GP or therapist.

Social isolation is horrible if you suffer from anxiety and feel tension more than others might. Hopefully, these tips will help you feel less isolated. Now, the restrictions are slowly easing. With that in mind, you can head to some safe public spots (e.g. parks and seafronts) where there will be more people around, and maybe that will make you feel more comfortable and socialised, from a distance. Sure, these strangers aren’t quite the support group you want, like your family and friends, but for some, that’s better than being in the house alone all day. Of course, you may run into a few people you know coincidentally… *wink*. But it’s so important to remember: only do what you feel comfortable doing, and really we should all still be staying indoors more than we are going out. Maybe allow yourself a couple of walks/trips to the local park per day? And you can always call your mum or sister when you’re doing that! Covid compromises, eh?

WooWoo Lockdown Questions!

Sat, 23 May 2020 20:00:00 +0000

Oh hey, who wants to talk about sex? Only me, all the time…

The lovely gang at WooWoo sent me some questions via email recently, to be answered in a video, but in all honesty I’ve been doing a lot of videos for various platforms lately and I felt like doing a good old-fashioned written interview… with myself?!

Before we get deep here (ooh err) please check out WooWoo’s brilliant range of not just condoms, lube etc. but also their gentle creams and cleansers for those of us with vaginas.

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Okay, here we go.

Starting with the lockdown Qs…

What’s your lockdown guilty pleasure?

My daily live boogies to the ultimate cheese tunes on Instagram, and Tyrrell’s sweet chilli and red pepper crisps*.

*I am NOTconcerned about how much I’m eating, I’m just so addicted to these particular crisps I am ordering at least two ‘sharing’ bags every week.

What are you currently binge watching?

I have got through quite a few series since lockdown started (‘Friends’ brings me comfort while also being perfect for background noise, ‘Drag Race’ was a good Saturday night treat viewing via Houseparty with my pals, ‘Queer Eye’ is good for a lunch-time happy-cry) but my favourites are probably ‘Doctor Who’ (the best escapism, rewatching from Chris E’s era; I’d forgotten how much I fancied David Tennant in his Doctor days) and ‘The Vicar of Dibley’ (a cute pre-bedtime vibe; Dawn French is my queen).

Top tips for surviving isolation?

Keep in touch with your friends, treat yourself to something every day if you need to (whether that’s adding another sharing bag of Tyrrell’s crisps to your weekly shop, or enrolling in a life coaching course, or finally buying that hunky crystal ring you’ve had your eye on for months, OR just going to sit on your doorstep in the sun with a coffee, and leaving your phone inside), and remember we are all in different boats, but going through the same storm. It will get better. All we can do now is stay home, and rest.

Are you online dating/quarantining with a partner/how are you handling it?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year, but I didn’t let him isolate with me because originally I was advised by the NHS not to go out AT ALL, and I didn’t want him, a perfectly normal and healthy human, to have to adhere to those restrictive rules too.

What’s the first restaurant you’ll go to on a date, post-lockdown?

Ever since they opened, I’ve wanted to try out Morelli’s, a new family-run pizza place in Hastings Old Town. I regret never popping in for lunch when I was working in the West Hill Arcade! So I’ll drag boyf there first, I think.

Which celeb would you most like to isolate with?

Taylor Swift for the cute heart-to-hearts and cat cuddles, or Lizzo for the badass yet kind energy, and daily boogies (oh my god, imagine a live stream with her every day!?).

How many times have you baked banana bread?

Not at all, shockingly! Which is sad, because that is the one thing I can actually bake pretty well.

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Any podcast recommendations?

The Scrubs re-watch show with JD and Turk, aka Zach Braff and Donald Faison, called ‘Fake Doctors, Real Friends’. Always makes me smile when I listen to it. Also, ‘Dear Hank and John’, which always helps me with any anxieties. And ‘How to Fail’ with Elizabeth Day. Arghh, I listen to so many, I could go on forever.

Where’s the first place you'll fly after this?

For the past few months I’ve been getting that intense hankering for my second home in Australia, so maybe there. Or more likely somewhere cheap in Europe. My pal Charlie and I were meant to go to Amsterdam in late March, so we’ll have to make up for lost time there.

Would you rather self isolate with no sex toys or no wine?

No wine, easy! I only drink spirits.

And now… for the self care/sexual wellbeing Qs.

What personal quote / motto do you live by?

Don’t ask, don’t get.

Which three beauty products can’t you live without (including a WooWoo one)

WooWoo lube changed the game for me and my partner! I also love LUSH’s Cup o’ Coffee, as everyone who follows me on Insta will know, and my Thursday Plantation acne gel.

What advice would you give to your younger self?

Your body is amazing. Look after it, appreciate it, and don’t compare it to anyone else’s.

What does sexual wellness mean to you?

Getting what you want, as much as you want, and being open and honest with what you want.

How many times have you masturbated today?

2. (this was at 12 noon, so that may change obvs)

Whats your favourite sex position?

The Lazy Bitch (named by the Come Curious ladies), or sideways with a leg up on his shoulder. Basically, anything that makes it deep.

What’s been your go-to healthy meal to make?

I have been really missing my ludicrously expensive Pret and M&S salads, so I’ve started throwing together some quinoa, shaved carrot, spinach/kale, sweet potato falafels/chopped cherry tomatoes, hummus and tahini with pumpkin seeds sprinkled on top. Wanky, I know.

Which Emoji best describes you?

The full moon face.

And now, for some Would You Rathers…

Would you rather have finger sized nipples or nipple sized fingers?

This is a weird one… I guess bigger nipples wouldn’t be too bad!?

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Would you rather not have sex for a year or have it every day of your life but not orgasm ever?

Would I still come when wanking? That’s the real question. I just like the sensation of sex sometimes and don’t always need to get mine there and then, because I can do that myself. But then, I’ll happily go a year without if it means I’ll come every time after that. Wow, I’m overthinking this.

Would you rather have a bell go off every time you're horny or never get horny?

I’ll happily have a bell go off. Let the people know!!

Would you rather live without music or live without tv?

Arghhh, could I still have podcasts/radio at least? I’ll say TV, but honestly it could go either way.

Would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button in your life?

Rewind, definitely. I’d love to have the option to correct mistakes. Unless pause means I can pause everyone around me and do whatever I please, whether that’s pranking someone, running away or putting my feet up at work.

Would you rather be able to speak to animals or every language in the world?

Every language in the world. Because surely that would include animal languages, no? Hehehehe. But think how much good you could do if you could communicate with humans from every part of the world? I could be a proper peacekeeper! Ughh, but then speaking to animals would mean I could help them more, and I am a bloody passionate vegan... okay, it's gotta be the latter.

Would you rather have the same phone forever or the same haircut forever?

Same haircut. I could be a baldie my whole life, easy.

Would you rather have eyebrows that never stop growing or eyelashes that never stop growing?

Oooohhhh, I feel like eyebrows won’t affect my vision or irritate me as much.

Would you rather be a great dancer or a great singer?

Great dancer. One of my life ambitions is to be on Strictly Come Dancing.

Would you rather wake up next to your ex or next to a hungry baby tiger?

I have so many questions about the logistics of this, but I’ll just say baby tiger.

Thanks for sending me the Qs, WooWoo! This was fun. And to everyone who, like me, isn’t getting any during lockdown… I know the pain is real, but it’s worth staying safe, and just think of the amazing times we’ll have when we’re allowed out and about again!? *daydreams*

Top Tips on Dealing with a Skin Condition

Tue, 19 May 2020 12:00:00 +0000

This post was written by a contributor.

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Skin conditions are much more common than you’d think. The photoshopped and filtered skin we see in magazines, on screens big and small, and on social media timelines often aren’t natural, and the majority of us actually have issues with our skin that we’d like to resolve. Sometimes we actually have skin conditions that can be resolved, alleviated or “improved” through professional diagnosis, advice and treatment. So in this post we’ll alert you to a few common skin conditions that you might have, as well as advice on how to manage and treat them. Remember, it’s always best to get an official diagnosis from a doctor or dermatologist, first and foremost. This will give you an idea of the specific treatments for your skin in particular!

Rosacea. If you often have flushed pink or red skin - usually on your cheeks - you may have Rosacea. This is a chronic skin condition that many are unfamiliar with, as many people pass it off as “blushing”. But no, Rosacea is an actual condition! While it doesn’t come hand in hand with any particularly dangerous health consequences, many people want to find a solution for this discolouration and may even find that it’s accompanied by burning or stinging sensations, which they may want relief from too. In severe cases, the condition canresult in permanent redness, spots, and small blood vessels in your face becoming visible through your skin. As of yet, there isn’t an outright cure, but there is skincare advice available for how to get rid of Rosacea, and it’s also generally recommended that you avoid potential triggers, such as sunlight exposure, stress, and vigorous exercise.

Acne. Most of us experience acne at some point or another. While it’s most common in teenagers, it can affect anyone of any age. Contrary to popular belief, acne actually has little to do with the cleanliness of your skin. So, if you’re suffering from acne, simply maintaining a good skincare routine may not be enough to resolve the spots. Acne is actually often caused by your hair follicles becoming clogged up with dead skin cells. This can result in the outbreak of various types of spots, ranging from blackheads to whiteheads, papules, pustules, nodules, and cysts. If you visit your doctor, they may be able to prescribe oral antibiotics or topical antibiotics that will clear things up.

Eczema. Eczemais a skin condition that affects 10-20% percent of children at some point or another, so many of us assume the condition only affects younger people. However, many adults can suffer from outbreaks of eczema on a regular basis too. It’s a condition that’s characterised by dry, flaky and itching skin. You should definitely consult your doctor about this, as they will be able to prescribe emollient lotion, emollient cream, or an emollient oil that can help. Alternatively, a particularly popular treatment for eczema is LUSH’s Dream Cream!

There are, of course, many more skin conditions out there that people suffer from, but these are some of the most common. Hopefully, the above information will help you to deal with yours effectively!

47.

Sun, 17 May 2020 11:05:00 +0000

Hi, I’m Grace.

Photo: Erin Veness

I’ve been living alone for 4 months now, I work freelance for a mental health organisation, I’m planning to get a small seagull tattoo after lockdown, plants have become a big part of my life suddenly, I lose track of time when I’m playing Sims 4 (longest I’ve played it without stopping? 4 hours. Longest, but with breaks? 6), rearranging my living room recently has brought me immense joy, I hate running, I still feel like I need to write a book, my hair used to be as thick as Hermione’s in the first film, I recently realised I can’t pronounce the word ‘transplant’ (I say it trans-plant, half Aussie half British, awkwardly in between, like me), I have way too many white T-shirts and pairs of pink or lilac trousers, sometimes I really want to bail on any and all plans, I arguably share too much of my life online, I’m emotional generally, but also not in touch with all my feelings; I’ve just been told by my GP that I’m no longer a high risk human, and I suddenly feel so free.

I genuinely used to do these posts once a month, but f**k that, I don’t have THAT much to write about. I do it when I feel like it. And I love that readers seem to love them so much. Share any facts about yourself in comments, if you want!

Start with the lights!

Sat, 16 May 2020 22:08:00 +0000

This is a sponsored post! Thanks for reading it, my lovelies. I am de-light-ed (hehehe) to be sharing some links toand information about Light Supplier; a website dedicated to helping you create the perfect vibe in your living space, by supplying you with the very best lighting products.

Image source

Maybe it’s because I’m spending an awful lot of time indoors at present so I’m mentally redecorating my little flat, or maybe I’ve just been spending too much time building houses on the Sims 4 – maybe it’s a combination of the two– but I’ve suddenly become fascinated by the way lighting can make a real impact in one’s home. For instance, I haven’t really liked putting on ‘the big light’ in my living room for a while now; I’d rather create a warm and cosy atmosphere with a selection of lamps in corners and on tables around the room. But then, I love a brighter light in my little bathroom, because there’s no window in there. I have also been flirting with the idea of getting some outdoor lighting for my rooftop spot – but then I guess I should ask my neighbour’s permission, as it is technically his roof I’m sitting on every day…

Anyway, my point is, when lockdown is officially over, I’m going to be clearing out a lot of stuff and giving my living space a bit of a makeover. And I really think that if you’re itching to do the same, then the best thing to start with is the lights. Sofas, coffee tables and bookshelves can wait – the lighting is like the bare bones of your home, and once you have that element sorted, you can work with it.

Light Supplier have a vast range of LED lights and bulbs. You can shop by room to find the perfect fit for each area of your home, and narrow the options down by price if you’re on a set budget. There are your basic ceiling spotlights, floor lamps, box shelf lights and even some stylish pendants to pick from! And as if that weren’t enough, they also boast a selection of storage, handles and bins. Head over there now if you’re needing a little home revamp. All orders over £40 are eligible for free mainland shipping, too!

Recent Reads; isolation edition.

Tue, 12 May 2020 16:28:00 +0000

You know how on holiday you somehow read wayyyy more books than you normally would? Well, it transpires that isolation has the same kind of effect on my mind. When I haven’t been crying, video chatting, doing the most ridiculously tedious tasks, playing Sims 4 or doing the washing up – I’ve been climbing out a windowonto my neighbour’s roof to read in the sunshine.

(The above photo is slightly blurred because I took it in a rush before running these books downstairs to Mama when she popped round for doorstep/pavement hang time – I’m trying to move books out of my little flat as soon as I’ve read them, to save space… ignoring the fact that I still have at least 3 hefty boxes of unread books at the parents’.)

Now, here’s the thing. I flew through these books, and as there are so many of them, I really can’t do a full-length review of each one. That said, there will be another fabulous post about Boy Queen with exclusive author content – but you have to wait a couple more months for that!

I recently read a perfect succinct collection of reviews by one of my favourites in my little blog world, Lauren Evie, and it’s inspired me to not agonise over the plot summaries or pad out my opinions – I’m just going to give you the facts.

So get on with it, G!! Okay then…

Our Stop, by Laura Jane Williams.

I’d been meaning to read this one for ages; it’s a very sweet and clever love story about a man and a woman who sometimes get the same tube, but keep missing each other and only talking via old school personal ads. The twists and turns got so frustrating at times, but in a good way. Y’know? I don’t want to spoil anything, so please see my full Goodreads review here if you want to know what I thought of the ending.

We All Looked Up,by Tommy Wallach.

A US YA story about the world facing imminent doom, and people going mad waiting for it to kick off. Sound familiar? Some vivid characters, interesting plot lines and arcs for each of them, but really quite dark and a little too dramatic for me, in places. But then some sentences made me feel things.

The Lonely Fajita, by Abigail Mann.

This was actually the first one I read when my isolation started, and I’ll admit it did take a bit of getting into, because the story was such a downer to begin with. Elissa is dealt a shitty hand in life, and she needs to sort things out ASAP. After she is forced to leave the flat she shared with her ex, she makes the impulsive decision to move in with an older woman, rent-free. A very cute tale.

A Sky Painted Gold, by Laura Wood.

A true joy to read, and can easily be gobbled up in less than 24 hours. I loved the journey to the 1920s, and how it wasn’t the usual flapper girl city story we normally get from that era; it was based in dreamy Cornwall, and it wasn’t all romance and friendship dramas, there was also a great story of sisterly relationships.

I got this proof ages ago, and I’m so ashamed it’s taken me this long to read it. Someone was kind enough to send me a copy of her second book after they heard I liked this one, though, so I’ll be on that one ASAP.

Boy Queen, by George Lester.

I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the huge joy I felt when the lovely George announced he had a book coming out. And the fact that it was about a young man who found himself in the world of drag? That was the perfect cherry on top. The story was beautiful, warm and glitterific. Highly recommend, not just for drag fans, but for anyone in need of a good lift.

(I was fortunate enough to get a proof from My Kinda Book - that in no way affects my opinion that it was truly fabulous. Pre-order now!)

The Vanishing Stair and The Hand on the Wall, by Maureen Johnson (parts 2 & 3 of her recent Truly Devious trilogy).

You know when you need a good book to just fall into because life is A Bit Much? And you know how murder mysteries are perfect for that kind of thing? Well, it turns out US YA murder mysteries, with a full cast of quirky characters, set in a beautiful old boarding school up in the Vermont mountains, are the very best for escapism and fascination. Especially when they’re written by the genius author of the Shades of London series. That’s what I hear, anyway.

There we go, folks. My first few reads in isolation! If you want to see what I'm reading next, or read more of my reviews, head over to my Goodreads account. What have you been reading in this lockdown period? I'm open to all recommendations! Comment below, or tweet me please.

Book title links are all for A Great Read, a lovely family run online bookshop who offer amazing discounts on current bestsellers, and free delivery. They are also affiliate links, so thank you in advance!

Tips to create the perfect pitch*.

Sun, 10 May 2020 16:41:00 +0000

This post was written by a contributor.

If you’re looking for investors to help you launch or grow your business, you’llneed to prepare an impressive presentation that sets out the key facts. Although it’s important to take a personalised approach when pitching to investors, you must make sureevery presentation contains all the keydetails.

With so much riding on the success of your pitch, it’s important to prepare effectively. If you want your company to go far, take a look at these three top tips for selling your business ideas to investors…

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Target selected investors. Although you may be desperate to secure funding for your business idea, there’s no point wasting your time looking in the wrong places. Instead, research potential investorsand find individuals who have a proven interest in the industry or sector in which you’re targeting. As well as piquing their interest, their previous experience could be of practicable value if they choose to invest in your firm.

Also, be sure to look out for investors who are actively seeking opportunities. There are plenty of platforms online which are designed to match investors with entrepreneurs, so this could be a great place for you to start.

Have a presentation ready to go. You never know when you’ll be called upon to deliver the perfect pitch, so it’s vital your presentation is all set up and ready to go. Whether you’re delivering it face-to-face or online, every detail counts. Potential investors will be scrutinising your pitch, as well as any accompanying documents, so be sure to triple-check everything and test your material first.

Modifying your presentation to ensure it’s targeted towards the specific audience is always a good idea, but this doesn’t mean you have to start from scratch every time. An automated presentationcan be created in accordance with pre-defined rules, which gives you the perfect starting point. With the ability to add, remove or modify content, you’ll have a winning template to build upon and the freedom to create a bespoke presentation every time.

Keep it short. Every entrepreneur could wax lyrical about their businessideas, but potential investors simply won’t have time to listen to everythingyou want to say. Instead, you’ll need to find a way to condense the information into a suitable time frame. Different pitch platforms have varying guidelines, so be sure to adhere to them.

In general, it’s good to keep documentation short and present it in an easy-read format. When your potential investors can access information at a glance, they’ll have longer to spend talking with you, which will give you the opportunity to sell yourself and your business idea.

Pitching a business idea is always nerve-wracking, particularly if you’ve spent months or years ironing out the details and undertaking research. However, preparation really is the key to success. By putting the work in, and taking a strategic approach to which potential investors you target, you can increase the likelihood of obtaining funding and get your business off the ground in record time.

Almost Amazing Grace.

Lydia Reeves & The Vulva Diversity Project.

48.

The joy of kissing.

Recent Reads: prison, musical theatre, and a dead dad.

It would have been fun.

Let's have a safe staycation!

Recognising the Physical Effects of Anxiety*

Stomach Problems

Vision Problems

Headaches

Fatigue

Chest Pains

27 things I love.

'Boy Queen'; a review and exclusive author content!

Routine = productivity.

What I got up to in lockdown.

More lockdown reads.

Post-lockdown home dreaming!

A Reverse Mortgage, and how it can help you.

Black Lives Matter.

Unite for Reuben.

Six years since.

I can use the loo, too!

Social Anxiety & COVID. *

WooWoo Lockdown Questions!

Top Tips on Dealing with a Skin Condition

47.

Start with the lights!

Recent Reads; isolation edition.

Tips to create the perfect pitch*.