Let 'em look.

19 July 2017

I am about to say something quite controversial. It may incite shock, horror, or straight up anger. For that, I am sorry. But it's my opinion. Hear me out, please? 

Here it is. Ready? Okay. I feel that when it comes to making friends and finding love...looks can be as important as personality.

*hides, waits for storms to collide overhead* 

Now, I say 'can be'. Take note of that, please. And what I mean by 'can be' is, in the short term, at least. Because, and my thought process here is really embarrassingly simple but undeniable: something has to draw you in. Right? When you go out, either specifically and determinedly on the pull or just to grab some easy peelers from Tesco down the road, you will look at people. Just people; those around you, those in the club or shop or park or beach or skating rink...you look, and you take in appearances. You catch eyes and appreciate outfits; you may smile and receive one back, may identify your next big hair style game changer on someone else's head – whatever. You look. And if you see someone – or something on that someone, perhaps – that you like looking at, and want to keep looking at for the indefinite future...then that's a beginning. Of something. Could be something, anyway – could also be nothing. But it's a look, it's looking, and it's got you interested. And that is kind of crucial, I'd say.

Personality can affect looks, however. No, seriously. As Roald Dahl once wrote...

"If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. ... A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

(Can I just say, I am so proud of myself for remembering that whole passage almost perfectly. I had to go to Google to get the image of course, but literally only a couple of words in my mind were wrong. Good work, Young Me, with your mousy pigtails, pink retainer and endless love of fiction.)

Yes, personality affects looks. I will testify to that. I've had interest in or dates with the prettiest guys who quickly became hideous to me once they showed their true colours later on  or in some cases, after just a minute spent talking to them. Inherent smugness is the first thing you can notice in a face, I find. Then immaturity, sleaze and arrogance can emerge not long after. These traits settle in smirks, leers, flaring of nostrils. Once you see them, you can't not. Soon the person you're looking at is not pleasant to look at, at all. 

Kindness, however, is perhaps the most beautifying trait there is. Empathy is pretty lovely, too. As is a good, strong set of manners. That can light a person's face right up. Self-deprecation can be attractive, within reason – like, if a person genuinely dislikes themselves and won't accept any compliment you pay, that can make them seem...smaller, somehow. Oh, and wisdom is downright sexy. As long as it's not too OTT, more quiet and gentle. It can pour out of someone as they speak and immediately brings a glow to every inch of their skin. 

So it pays to get to know someone, either way. Whether they seem hot and then let you down personality-wise, or may not be your type at first glance, but then become super desirable once they reveal they are a feminist and watch Always Sunny

(I really think this is why I never go home with someone I find initially physically attractive on a night out...and why I've fallen for so many of my friends!)

Those are my opinions on the endless problematic matter of looks vs personality. What are yours? Am I wrong, or do I have a valid point? I hope it's the latter...
Comment and/or tweet if you feel about this as strongly as I do! And of course if you have any stories about looks beating personality or vice versa, hit me up with those I beg of you. I love a good story...


  1. I have the exact same thoughts as you but have always been bashed by my friends about my opinion. Glad to find that there is someone out there who thinks the same way.


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