28 March 2014

I never got an announcement. I never had my own proclamation. I was never paraded up and down, his arm slung over my shoulder, laughing and feeling like I was the most important girl in the world. I was never beside him in the sun.
I was denied, pushed aside, shoved into closets and kept a secret. I got a kiss behind closed doors and a fuck against the wall. I got strung along and left behind. I made dinner. I ordered the pizza. I sent the first text. I said 'I love you'. Just me, totally alone. 
It breaks my heart that I couldn't change you. You were the first one to make me feel, and yet I was just a blip on your radar. I was an ugly addiction you couldn't shake. You were everything. I was complicated. You ground your hands, and I screamed. We were never quite... There. Despite my wanting, despite my trying.
I can't be the one to teach you about love. I won't show you what it is and how great it can be. How painful it can be. Not like you did me. I'll settle for being the one that got away - everyone says that's what I'll always be. To you.
I wanted to be the game-changer. But you never let me. Now I can only hope that you learn with her what I learned with you. I hope you're happy, and I hope you fall in love. Just so you know.

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