Wednesday, 13 July 2011

The reason I "despise" you...

Let's see. Last year I had a really difficult time for several months; I had some big decisions to make and I was struggling because I didn't know how I really felt, and I didn't want anyone to get hurt. So naturally, I turned to my best girl friend in the whole world. We sat and had cups of hot chocolate and I told her everything that I was going through. I told her the terrible things I'd done, and that I had no idea what to do. She was brilliant; she hugged me and we talked for ages about what my options were and the general outcome was: "follow your heart." N'awww.

Then a few nights later I received a hideous amount of abuse online, via Formspring (aka Cowards' Paradise). The things that some anonymous people had posted to me made several clear references to the very private matters I was dealing with (in a very distasteful way). So I knew my best friend must have told someone these things I told her in confidence. And I knew exactly who she'd told. I sat in front of my computer and cried my eyes out, called her and tearfully asked what the hell was going on. She explained that she had just meant to get me some more help, and apologized no end.
I didn't talk to her for months, but eventually we made up. She turned up on my doorstep, we cried and apologised to each other and sorted it all out. She made the effort.

You, on the other hand... Not only did you instigate the vicious rumours, post all those nasty comments on to me Formspring, bitch non-stop about me with your group of pals, and get your friends to text me anonymously to call me a "knobhead"... When you're finally done tormenting me, we don't speak for months and I'm finally feeling better, you start it all up again. Via Twitter this time. Y'know, I think if you said any of this bullshit to my face, I might feel a little worse. Sure, what I did was wrong, but a) you don't know the whole story, and b) you don't even have the balls to say it to my face. You're hiding behind your computer screen. Nice one.

I don't regret what I did at all. And you can say whatever you want, but you will never ever change my mind, and you will never get to me. So there's your reason. I don't generally hold grudges, but in your case... I will hold onto this forever. x

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