Monday, 30 May 2011

I will live in the past, until I have a reason to live for the future. x

Sunday, 29 May 2011

It's been a year.

I wonder if you ever think about it.
I may say I regret it, but the truth is... I'd give anything to have that weekend together again. x

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

I'm getting better.

Last night was my first night in AGES without a bad dream. Having said that, I spent pretty much the whole day in bed crying. I feel so sorry for my mum, having to look after me and listen to my pathetic bawling.
BUT STILL... I'm taking it as a positive.

Special mention to the absolute babes who read my silly little blog. Have I
mentioned I love you?
I feel like this is the only place where I can say whatever I want. Putting super-personal things on Facebook is a definite no-no. I'm using it less and less nowadays really. Twitter is fun and ridiculously addictive, and I'll say all kinds of stupid things on there - but more and more people I know "in real life" are joining and following me, so I have to be extra-careful now. *giggles*

Today in lesson we were discussing which of the Disney princes is hottest. I don't understand that really... They're cartoon characters!
But we settled on Phillip. x

I remember...

That day back in Year 9 when I came into Maths, and said "babe, he's definitely broken my heart."
You replied: "if your heart broke you'd be dead, so shut up."

I love you! x

I go all giggly.

So there's a fella at college that I've always liked a bit, and the other day I realised that I'm liking him more and more recently... This morning I got into college slightly early (after the terror of smelling something burning in my car) and was loitering outside my classroom when he suddenly appears and says a very sexy "hey". Playing it cool as usual, I grin like a maniac and say "Hi!"

Nice flirtatious conversation ensues, very rudely interrupted by his girlfriend coming along and cuddling up to him. Oh well! x

Friday, 13 May 2011

It's a shame.

We used to be so close. Seeing each other every weekend, going round each other's houses on weeknights, cooking pasta together, texting all day and way into the night, sleeping together, going to the Ashford designer outlet to buy shoes, watching stupid films, staying up ridiculously late, and never ending a phone call without saying "I love you".

One time you came round my house, and I was in my room crying. You opened my door and instantly grabbed me, hugged me tight then sat with me and listened to me cry and complain about my silly little problems for over an hour. You were the one person was always there for me when everyone else let me down.

It's so sad that after everything we went through together, all those good times, now we only see each other twice a week when I drive past you in the mornings, and there's nothing we can do but stare. It's so very sad. x

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

I really really wonder who reads this blog. If it's read by anyone I know. Because that would be amazing. Or people who just want to know more about me and my silly little adventures. Whoever it is, ILY. You make my day. x

I said I'd do it...

Making up. Breaking up. Just come out of the shower / getting dressed (you're naked anyway). Losing your virginity. Jealousy. Revenge. Boredom. Can't sleep. Just woken up. Drunk. To say thank you. To say goodbye. To manipulate. Being reunited after a long time apart. Weekend away. Holiday. Getting engaged. Wedding night. Christmas. Valentine's Day. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Nothing good on television. As a reward for doing work. Had a long day. Exercise (more fun than going to the gym!). Empty house. Just bought new underwear. To show off your body (if you've lost some weight, or you're just looking good that day). To make your partner happy. To get money. You want to "try something new". Friends with benefits. A stranger (supposedly exciting). To change the subject. "Christening" your new bed. To make a baby. Your condoms are about to expire. Intimacy. To say you have (usually with a particular person). To get a job. To feel better about yourself. To increase your Magic Number. Curiosity. Relieve stress. To get over someone (get under someone else). To get rid of a headache. Testing your compatibility with someone. To rebel.


Sunday, 8 May 2011

I'm making a list.

Watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother, and the characters are talking about all the different reasons to have sex. Apparently there are at least fifty. Challenge accepted. x

Friday, 6 May 2011

I like you so much.

It's unreal.
I feel like I'm fourteen again, gazing at you across a crowded classroom and daydreaming about how things should be. It's such an ancient yet familiar feeling. I'm loving it.
Except, I don't want to feel this way. Because no matter how fun and flirtatious it may be in the beginning, eventually everything will come tumbling down and I'll just be a lonely girl who wants somebody she can never have. x

It was the tyre or me, I swear!

So today, I'm turning into the treacherous Wartling road, when suddenly a massive lorry comes zooming round the corner right at me, trying to turn out of the spot where I'm turning in... (it makes sense in my head!)
If I hadn't swerved hard into the curb next to me, it would have hit me head-on. My beautiful car and I would have been a pile of glass, mix CDs and raspberry jam. As a result, I got a puncture in a front tyre and had to pull over, but I'm happy because it could have been so much worse!

Some lovely grandparents-type folks even pulled over and helped me change the tyre. So many people pulled over and tried to help; I was so touched. My faith in human kindness has been temporarily restored.

I used to have an amazing friend who told me he had an angel watching over him. I normally don't believe that kinda thing, but he was so sincere about it that I instantly believed him. Apparently he was turning out of a junction once on his stupid motorbike, and suddenly he heard a voice in his ear: "don't!" Whatever it was, it saved his life; he hesitated, and a van whooshed past at that very moment. I miss him and his funny ways. He would do the craziest things, then explain them flawlessly. I made fun of his accent, and his resemblance to Harry Potter. I'd give anything to make fun of him again someday.

Deep. x

Thursday, 5 May 2011

I know, I know.

If you compliment me, I won't believe you. x

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

I'm full of surprises.

Psychological Fact: all emotional pain lasts a maximum of twelve minutes. Any longer than that is self-inflicted. x

Monday, 2 May 2011

I'm a green fool.

So today was May Day. Which means: Jack in the Green in Hastings!
I invited loads of my Eastbourne friends along so they could enjoy the celebrations for the first time, and we all dressed up and went crazy with face paint.

What was actually quite good about today was that as soon as I arrived at Hastings, I instantly ran into every single person I had been dreading seeing. I was up most of last night stressing about all the people from my past who I was sure to see around town, and I was actually really happy to get that unpleasantness out of the way at the beginning of the day. I got to do the lovely awkward-ex-girlfriend thing, and say hi to the ex and his new girl... It seemed like a good idea at the time, I swear! And I'm sorry I did it, because it was the worst situation I've ever found myself in. It was like there was a wall up between us... I got the shakes, I blushed, and my throat went completely dry. This never happens to me! Stupid stupid girl I am. I was so relieved when my friends arrived, they all hugged me and we ran out of the station; me trying not to cry out of sheer horror.

THEN on the walk down from the station, I realised I was being followed by the girls who made my life a living hell last year. They were staring and whispering. Ughhh.

Luckily, later I found a certain fella I've taken a liking to. My friends were hysterically excited that after months of being a depressed and bitter fuck, I'd finally found someone who makes me really happy. They were shrieking and dancing around while I was talking to him. So embarrassing, but pretty funny... x


Sunday, 1 May 2011

I wonder if I ever cross your mind.

Does anything ever remind you of me?
This applies to every guy I've ever had a "thing" with. Do you ever hear a song, eat a particular meal or just drive past a place where we used to go?

I couldn't stand the woman we stayed with this weekend, because she reminded me of a certain guy's mum. I had some broccoli and stilton soup yesterday and nearly cried. I stare into Alexandra Park whenever I drive past. Britain's Got Talent makes me smile.

Obscure enough for you?

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