Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Yesterday was the most amazing day. The weather was beautiful, my hair looked alright, and I passed my driving test!
Only 5 minors. My instructor says I "passed with style". Cheers Kev. I'm gonna miss our weekly drives, bitching about the townsfolk of Hastings and joking about our boring lives. I gave him a chocolate car to say thank you. I'm the best student ever.
So I got home, called everyone and spread the news, then jumped in my little Polo and went for my first solo drive. I drove to Hawkhurst, because it's dual carriageway and national speed limit virtually the whole way. It was so awesome! I bumped into some old friends and did a little showing off, not gonna lie, and later I drove to Ashburnham and met up with my best friend who's been driving since September - I figured I owed her a lift.

So yeah, yesterday was wonderful. I love my new independence - today everyone in my house was asking me "so what are you doing today? When are you leaving? When will you be back? Drive carefully!"

Today I met up with two of my favourite girls, and we hit Bexhill beach. We lazed around for hours, stupidly trying to get a tan. Ha.
Our chatting turned into deep conversations about love and boys. The two of them have boyfriends, so they simply bitched and moaned about how annoying and clingy their boys are. Girls are always stereotyped as the needy, attention-seeking ones. This could not be more wrong!

So my friend Raye turned to me and said "you were so lucky with your boyfriend. That was a perfect relationship - so much trust, love and fun..." I smiled and nodded, thinking Yes, it was a great relationship. It just didn't work out, that's all. He's with someone else now, and I'm fine. No big deal.

But then later, as we drove through Bexhill high street, up towards the station, I happened to see said-ex-boyfriend with his new girl and a couple of friends. I'm so ashamed to say I reacted like a child. I shouted, pointed and instantly I was angry. I had to pull over, I was shaking so violently and my friends were trying really hard to calm me down. Naturally, after the initial anger passed, I burst into tears. For a few minutes I sobbed onto the steering wheel, then when I finally calmed down enough to drive, I sped off, wanting to get as far away from that street as possible. This is just ridiculous. Why am I letting this affect me so badly?! I carried on driving, explaining to my friends that it was just a shock, and it's difficult enough to know something like that but having to witness it first-hand is a whole different matter. I only got a glimpse, but it was enough. My friends were coming out with all the usual Best-Friend stuff: "she's nowhere near as pretty as you; you were the best thing that ever happened to him; it's not worth it babe; this is the trouble with ex-boyfriends..."
I replied: "Yes, but he's not an ex-boyfriend. He was the first boy I loved, the first boy I slept with and the first boy to call me beautiful."

I'm aware that I'm sounding like your typical psycho ex-girlfriend. I swear I'm never normally like this. I'm so disgusted with myself. Grow up Grace. You haven't exactly been a nun these last few months, have you? No, I haven't. And if he knew what I'd been up to, he'd be just as hurt. Trust me.

I'm sorry. This is the last immature moment you will have to hear about. Promise. I'm a grown-up now. I can drive and everything... x

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