Friday, 29 April 2011

I'm Jacking the Green.


May Day in 3 days. The day we all wear headdresses and paint our faces, go down to Hastings, get outrageously drunk and have an amazing time. x

I'm in for a posh weekend.

Gloucestershire, Bath, Sunningdale, Ascot. Yeah, people tease me because I'm from Ascot but believe me, compared to my old friends who still live there I'm a dirty commoner. Don't forget I'm half Australian too. I should really be shot when I return to County Posh.

So I'm going to my godfather's wife's 40th birthday party. Which means I have to stand around for several hours (in high heels) drinking nothing but champagne and cramming as many tiny goats' cheese tarts as I can manage into my mouth; listening to old people telling me over and over again how tall I am and how much I look like my mum. Nothing ever changes.

I've started "blogging" quite frequently recently, and I'm not sure what a whole weekend without access to a computer will be like. What if I need to vent, or sob over unrequited love? (not that I do that...)

I wish everyone would stop talking about THE DRESS... x

Thursday, 28 April 2011

I post irrelevant pictures.

This is really ridiculous. I have some really lovely guys showing interest, and if I actually tried they could go somewhere... Yet typically, I want the one who messes with my mind, is never ever around and who only talks to me properly when he's been drinking. It actually makes me want him more. x

I love these two. x

Monday, 25 April 2011

I'm an impossible girl to please.

I love the uncertainty and excitement, but I get tired of the not-knowing.
I complain that nobody cares about me, then reject all the ones crazy enough to tell me they like me.
I break up with someone happily, but it hurts like a bitch when they find someone new.
I want to lose weight, but I love food.
I always need to hear an apology, but will not accept it if it's via Facebook or text. I need it face-to-face.
I don't want a serious relationship, but I want something.
I want money, but I don't want a job.
I hate tying guys down, but I want them to be just mine.
I always want to get away, but get homesick within five minutes.
I'm independent, but sometimes I need company.

Get out while you can! x

blackbruise:  1, 3, 5, 6, 7.

Sunday, 24 April 2011

I sometimes find...

Not focusing on the bad things makes them go away.
Sometimes people can surprise you.
People don't see me the way I thought they did.
The unexpected things are the best.
The not-knowing is exciting.
Just looking at photos of someone is enough.

Sometimes it's best to hang on to what you have.

I can be annoyingly cryptic and obscure. x

Friday, 22 April 2011

I sometimes think...

The worst thing about liking someone, is when you finally get somewhere... Then you have no idea where you stand.

I sometimes wonder...

Who reads my blog.
If he's still got it saved on his Favourites bar.
Why I can't get my head around things.
How I'm supposed to lose weight just from my legs.
When I'm going to get my pink licence in the post.
If I'll ever get all my work done.
If he's had sex with her yet.
What I'll do if I don't get into university.
Where I'll be in one year's time.
If my friends know how much I love and appreciate them.

If you wanted to kiss me last night too. x

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Yesterday was the most amazing day. The weather was beautiful, my hair looked alright, and I passed my driving test!
Only 5 minors. My instructor says I "passed with style". Cheers Kev. I'm gonna miss our weekly drives, bitching about the townsfolk of Hastings and joking about our boring lives. I gave him a chocolate car to say thank you. I'm the best student ever.
So I got home, called everyone and spread the news, then jumped in my little Polo and went for my first solo drive. I drove to Hawkhurst, because it's dual carriageway and national speed limit virtually the whole way. It was so awesome! I bumped into some old friends and did a little showing off, not gonna lie, and later I drove to Ashburnham and met up with my best friend who's been driving since September - I figured I owed her a lift.

So yeah, yesterday was wonderful. I love my new independence - today everyone in my house was asking me "so what are you doing today? When are you leaving? When will you be back? Drive carefully!"

Today I met up with two of my favourite girls, and we hit Bexhill beach. We lazed around for hours, stupidly trying to get a tan. Ha.
Our chatting turned into deep conversations about love and boys. The two of them have boyfriends, so they simply bitched and moaned about how annoying and clingy their boys are. Girls are always stereotyped as the needy, attention-seeking ones. This could not be more wrong!

So my friend Raye turned to me and said "you were so lucky with your boyfriend. That was a perfect relationship - so much trust, love and fun..." I smiled and nodded, thinking Yes, it was a great relationship. It just didn't work out, that's all. He's with someone else now, and I'm fine. No big deal.

But then later, as we drove through Bexhill high street, up towards the station, I happened to see said-ex-boyfriend with his new girl and a couple of friends. I'm so ashamed to say I reacted like a child. I shouted, pointed and instantly I was angry. I had to pull over, I was shaking so violently and my friends were trying really hard to calm me down. Naturally, after the initial anger passed, I burst into tears. For a few minutes I sobbed onto the steering wheel, then when I finally calmed down enough to drive, I sped off, wanting to get as far away from that street as possible. This is just ridiculous. Why am I letting this affect me so badly?! I carried on driving, explaining to my friends that it was just a shock, and it's difficult enough to know something like that but having to witness it first-hand is a whole different matter. I only got a glimpse, but it was enough. My friends were coming out with all the usual Best-Friend stuff: "she's nowhere near as pretty as you; you were the best thing that ever happened to him; it's not worth it babe; this is the trouble with ex-boyfriends..."
I replied: "Yes, but he's not an ex-boyfriend. He was the first boy I loved, the first boy I slept with and the first boy to call me beautiful."

I'm aware that I'm sounding like your typical psycho ex-girlfriend. I swear I'm never normally like this. I'm so disgusted with myself. Grow up Grace. You haven't exactly been a nun these last few months, have you? No, I haven't. And if he knew what I'd been up to, he'd be just as hurt. Trust me.

I'm sorry. This is the last immature moment you will have to hear about. Promise. I'm a grown-up now. I can drive and everything... x

Monday, 18 April 2011

I'm a stepping stone.
All 3 guys I've been with have since found beautiful new girls within barely any time at all of breaking up with me.

Guy 1 wasn't a real boyfriend, we "went out" when I was thirteen. But shortly after we "broke up", he went off to uni and started going out with a very pretty girl.

Guy 2 was my first real boyfriend, we went out for over a year and within 2 months of us breaking up he found an unbelievably gorgeous new girl. (I hate that it's affecting me so badly.)

Guy 3 was never my boyfriend, but he was definitely my other half. He moved away and now he has a perfect girlfriend. He had the decency to tell me before he actually started going out with her though. So I'm not upset. I know we'll be together one day.


So, boys - hook up with me and then at least 2 months later, you will find a much better girl. Guaranteed. I'll be providing you with a service. I'm your passport to better things. x

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Decided I want to be alone.
I'm better off that way.

Sitting on the sofa, painting my nails, watching romantic comedies and eating Sainsbury's own Mint Sticks. Thinking about how long it's been since I "got some" and what I should wear tomorrow. Remembering the good times. Appreciating my girls. Using lots of verbs. Reading some other blogs. Hoping the sun shines again tomorrow.

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