Sunday, 11 March 2018

Gaining weight...in a good way!

It’s been a while since my last body positivity post, and I haven’t rambled on about my very poor health in a few months either! Shocking. Let’s fix that immediately...

(Artist: Frances Cannon)

This post was inspired by the awesome Hannah Witton, who recently had a hideous flare up of her ulcerative colitis which led to her colon being removed, and a stoma fitted. She then returned to YouTube and social media after 4 weeks in hospital, with a 23-minute vlog in which she told we subscribers and the rest of the world all about her recent horrendous experiences. I watched this video and found myself nodding and welling up when she said things I could 110% relate to, having had major bowel surgeries myself, and was amazed at her positivity and frankness. So yeah, big up Hannah. She is infinitely badass.


So, a few months back I blogged about my experiences of bowel...issues. I had an infection that inflamed all organs in my abdominal area, mostly on the right hand side; this led to my appendix being extracted, along with the portion of my lower intestine that it had been angrily squishing for a while, which had led to almost complete disintegration. Then, following that massive dealio, I found myself suddenly crippled with pain and puking non-stop due to a bowel obstruction 5 weeks later. More surgery was had (after 3 days of attempting to cure me using various drugs, a couple of tubes and absurdly yucky potions), and after that I found myself boasting a hefty pink stripe from above my belly button down to my lady garden...and I was 2 stone lighter.


wrote about the weight loss, and how it was actually quite bad, not long after surgery. I was batting away compliments on how ‘well’ I looked, and comments on how the weight loss was a ‘silver lining’. I really didn’t, and it definitely wasn’t. 

I have now pretty much put the whole 2 stone back on, and I couldn’t be happier. Because I look better this way – with a little bit of a belly and fuller upper arms; boasting a butt and some boob – but I didn’t know that was the case until I lost all that. 

I am weirdly grateful that I got to see how I look skinny. Because that’s what I was, skinny. I was all gaps and points, shoulder blades for miles and no butt to speak of. I had always wondered how I’d look if I were a few pounds lighter; if it was worth the dieting etc. to drop a dress size and get more definition in my face. Turns out, I didn’t look that great. Okay, I may have looked alright, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t feel like me.


This is me.
(Photo: Erin Veness)


I am currently on a shameless – but quite lightweight – health kick. I’ve been investigating a persistent and mysterious food intolerance by cutting out foods and reintroducing them to see the results (also cutting out eggs to see if I can definitely be 100% vegan), and I’ve got myself a weekly routine with my local gym AND the personal trainer there has even structured a simple plan for me to build my strength back up and generally get fitter. It feels so good. I’m not getting thinner, but I am getting stronger. 

And that’s all I want. 

3 comments

  1. I have been wondering the same things throughout the years of trying to fit in, but to not hurt myself doing so. I have been imagine myself being smaller and wished that I, for just one day, could be skinny, to see how it looked on me. But I don't think that that grass is greener than the field I'm on now.

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    1. The grass really *is* always greener - wouldn't it be fabulous (if a little damaging?) to have the chance to see how we'd look at every possible size? Just once? Ooohh...

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    2. Btw, I think you're beautiful! x

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